Page 27 of Not My Friend
And hopefully she was seeing a new side of me. She’d mentioned several times how much I’d changed, and while I knew it was true, it was nice to have someone else see it too. Besides my therapist that is.
I usually only went to therapy once a month now, but I’d added an extra session last week specifically to discuss the way I’d fallen in love – or maybe back in love – with my friends with benefits partner. My therapist asked me to consider how I’d feel if the feeling was mutual, but I’d brushed that off. Until tonight.
“You want us to date for real?” I repeated, nibbling on a salmon roll.
“Yeah.” Kimberly nodded, looking the tiniest bit unsure of herself. “I know we’re becoming good friends, and of course westill have a strong attraction to each other, but I’d also like the intimacy that comes from having a relationship.”
“You’re willing to give me another chance?” I clarified. “Even though things weren’t good with us before and ended so badly? Even after the way I dumped you? You can honestly move past that?”
“Yeah.”
“And what does Tammy sigh about that idea?” I couldn’t resist asking.
She made this little scrunchy expression with her mouth, then answered honestly.
“She’s not excited about it, to be honest. She’s always been overprotective of me. And I suppose I am with her too. But she’s also the one who pointed out that if we did decide to pursue an official romantic relationship, we needed to learn how to have the hard conversations.”
“How would this work exactly, us being girlfriends?”
I wanted to work out the ground rules and parameters now, so we wouldn’t have a misunderstanding later. That’s another thing I’d learned in therapy – how to set boundaries and make sure I understood expectations instead of assuming.
“Well, it would be like what we have now, but more.”
“Adding sleepovers?”
She nodded, then shook her head. “It’s more than that. I want to give you a kiss when I see you. Hold your hand while we’re walking down the street. Send you little kissy face emojis when I’m thinking about you during the day. Be each other’s dates for big events.”
“Go to a lot of big events, do you?” I teased.
“No, but when I do, it would be nice to have an official date.”
“I have to admit, I’d also like something a little more… personal. Or maybe deep is the word. But I don’t want us to rush things and have another bad experience. How about this? We’ll do a trial arrangement?”
“A trial arrangement?” she parroted back.
“Yeah, we’ll be each other’s girlfriends for a month, then we’ll assess at the end of the month and decide whether to renew,” I said, warming up to the idea as I explained it. “If things are going well, we’ll keep renewing on a month-to-month basis. But if things aren’t working out for whatever reason, or we see each other falling into our old patterns or want to date someone else instead then we agree to suspend the relationship and go back to being friends, no harm, no foul.”
“For some reason that makes a lot of sense,” she said, clearly surprised. “Can we start tonight?”
“Sure.”
She reached her arm across the table and took my hand.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I’m holding my girlfriend’s hand.”
I couldn’t help the laugh that burst out of me. “But I need this hand to help me eat. You know I’m a disaster with these chopsticks.”
“Okay, but how about after dinner we go back to your place and I’ll ravish you?”
“I like that, but why don’t we go to your place so I can ravish you? I haven’t seen your place yet.”
So far every time we hung out it had been at my apartment. I wasn’t sure why, but I assumed it was how she kept our boundaries in place. If we stayed at my place she could leave at any time.
She gave me one decisive nod. “Yeah, that sounds good. But before you come over, I need to warn you about something that’s going to shock you.”
My mind flashed on bodies in the basement. A bedroom turned into a BDSM dungeon. A mountain of laundry sitting in the middle of the couch.
