Page 12 of Not My Friend
She was staring at me with a hopeful look on her face. If I said no it would crush her, I could tell. Sure, I had doubts, but we could work things out if we lived together, right? Ignoring the warning bells in my brain, I found myself warming up to the idea.
When I didn’t immediately answer she sighed. “You know what? Never mind, it was a stupid idea.”
I immediately felt bad.
“You could move in with me instead,” I suggested, even though I knew that was a bad idea. I lived in a tiny studio while Gina had lucked into a spacious one-bedroom apartment with a bonus room. She had way more space here.
“I suppose we could look for a new place together,” she hedged, clearly not excited about the idea either. “But I still have six more months on my lease here, and frankly we’ll never get this much space for the price I’m paying.”
Gina’s landlord was a rarity in Seattle’s profit-hungry rental world – he rewarded longevity by only giving tiny rent increases each year, usually one to three percent. I couldn’t remember the last time one of my landlords hadn’t asked for the maximum rent increase allowed. The building was also well maintained and the landlord kept up with repairs.
The truth was, I liked Gina’s apartment. Or I would if it wasn’t such a mess. My girlfriend was not exactly the best housekeeper. But maybe it would be better if we were sharingthe chores. Living together would be an adjustment, sure, but we’d figure it out together.
I snuggled against her, putting my head back on her chest, just above her breast. It was my favorite place to sleep.
“No, you’re right, you’d be crazy to give up this place,” I acknowledged. “I’ll move in here.”
Gina squealed happily. “Oh my God, really? We’re going to have so much fun. It’s going to be great.”
I was already regretting my decision, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment by telling her that we should wait at least a few more months before making such a big decision.
Instead I said, “We should have ground rules or something. We’ve both lived alone for a while. It’ll be a big adjustment to share a space.”
She slid her hand down until she was cupping my ass cheek. “First ground rule – this ass is mine.”
I laughed. “I meant like, who’s responsible for cleaning the bathroom or whether we should take turns grocery shopping.”
Bending her knees, Gina flipped me over and slid her naked body on top of mine. I was instantly wet.
“Let’s talk about that later,” she said against my lips. “Right now I want to make you come.”
We never did talk about it.
Gina
Iwas exhausted and bleary eyed after spending most of the day locked up in this stuffy conference room working on files. The only bright spot had been our side trip for ice cream. That had been fun.
But I wasn’t going to think about that, because if I did, I’d have to think about how we’d opened up to each other a little bit. I also wasn’t going to think about the way Kimberly swiped that bit of ice cream off my lip and then stared at my mouth like she wanted to kiss me.
I’d wanted to kiss her too, but I’d been too afraid to make the first move. I knew she felt the attraction between us the same as I did, but I wasn’t going to push. I owed it to her to let her lead – or not lead, as the case may be – after how I’d hurt her. I owed her at least that much.
I wish I’d known three years ago that the woman I’d seen her with that night was her cousin. If I hadn’t freaked out, hadn’t jumped to the worst conclusions, would we still be together? Or would there have been some other issue that ended our relationship?
I’d figured out in therapy that Kimberly cheating on me hadn’t made sense. When I was able to manage my emotions and think rationally I realized that there’d been no intimacy in the scene I’d witnessed. She could have been having dinner with a coworker or a friend. There was no reason to assume she was cheating. I’d never even seen her look at another woman. Plus we were always together when we weren’t at work. When would she even have time to cheat on me?
But the thing that sealed it for me, at least once I’d moved past the instinctive hurt and the pain of the break-up and my entire life falling apart at the same time, was remembering a conversation we’d had once when we were out for dinner together. Kimberly had talked at length about how much her father’s infidelity had affected her. That’s when I realized what a terrible mistake I’d made. If only I’d been able to manage my anxiety well enough to remember that before I broke up with her. Before I treated her like dirt and broke her heart. And mine.
“How may files do we have left?” I asked tiredly.
“We need to review these last five files,” Kimberly answered. “But I still need to evaluate the program expenditures and compare them to our billings. It’s almost five. I’m going to need to check in with my supervisor and see what he wants me to do. I’m due on another audit Monday so he’s not going to be happyI’m not done, even though he knows Mary was out sick for a day and a half.”
“I can work a little while later tonight if it helps,” I offered. “If you’re free, we could also come in tomorrow to work on the rest. I sometimes come in on Saturdays to catch up on paperwork anyway.”
She seemed surprised by my offer. In my former life, I was one of those ‘clock out at the stroke of five o’clock’ people. I complained incessantly if my boss needed me to work late or attend an event, like I had the night we’d broken up. But this program was my baby, and I’d learned early on working here that my job was not ever going to be done in forty hours.
“If you’re sure you don’t mind…”
“I don’t mind, really. I would probably be here tomorrow anyway to catch up.”
