Page 20 of Not My Friend
“Never go back for seconds, that’s my motto,” my friend Tammy told me over beers one night.
I’d been talking about Gina for a full twenty minutes and good friend that she was, Tammy had listened patiently. I wasn’t surprised by her words. She’d been one of the people who’d helped me pick up the pieces the first time around, and she had strong feelings about my ex-girlfriend, all of them negative.
“But she’s changed a lot. And I have too. She’s not the same person anymore.”
“Kim my love.” Tammy leaned forward to make sure I could tell she was serious. “I remember how it was when you two were together. She was so clingy and insecure, it drove us all crazy. And you were devastated when she dumped you, remember? She really hurt you.”
“I know, but I can’t stop thinking about her. Maybe we just didn’t meet at the right time in our lives,” I said hopefully. “And now is the right time.”
“Or maybe you never really got closure, and she dazzled you with her new confident façade during a time that you’re going through a very long dry spell.”
“I’m not in a dry spell.”
Tammy gave me her ‘don’t bullshit me’ look. “When was the last time you were with anyone?”
“I had that blind date with Kara’s friend, the one with the purple hair.”
“That was last summer. I remember because you complained that the AC was broken at the bar where you met her. So it’s been almost a year?”
I shrugged. “Maybe.”
Tammy studied me carefully. “Are you sure you’re not just lonely?”
I shook my head. “It’s hard to describe but being with Gina again, it was like finding a long-lost friend or putting on my favorite jeans – everything was comfortable and we just seem to fit together.”
I’d analyzed the time I spent with Gina for the audit over and over again the last three months, looking for any explanation for how I felt other than my still having feelings for her. I’d made pro and con lists about whether or not to suggest we try dating again.
“Have you guys talked since you finished your part of the audit?”
“No. When I left that day, we both acted casual like I was just the auditor and not someone she’d made out with the night before, which, given that we were both technically working, was appropriate. But we both know it will look bad to have contact while the investigation is ongoing.”
I’d been both impressed and depressed that Gina didn’t contact me, even though we’d both agreed that it would be inappropriate to talk during the investigation.
“And when the investigation is over?”
I met my friend’s gaze head-on. “I’ll see how I feel then, but if I’m still thinking about her, I might reach out.”
Tammy sighed. “I had a feeling you’d say that. Just be careful, okay? You know I’ll support you no matter what you decide, but I really don’t want to see you get your heart broken again.”
Tammy’s words were ringing in my ears when I walked up to Gina’s third floor apartment the day after the investigation closed. I took a deep breath, then knocked on the door. It was a Friday night, so she might be out doing something, but afterconsidering my options for the last two days, I decided to stop by and see if we could talk. I’d blocked her on social media, email, and the phone after we broke up, and while it was easy enough to undo it, I wanted to have this conversation in person.
I wanted to see her again. I wanted to know if what I’d felt during the audit was just a combination of nostalgic feelings and forced proximity, or if it was something that had survived a three month separation with no contact. Because if we still had feelings for each other now, that told me something. It told me it was more than lust, more than memories, it was something real. I just hoped I wasn’t making a mistake by opening myself up to being hurt by Gina again.
Gina answered right away, almost as if she was expecting me. Or someone.
As soon as I saw her something deep inside me whispered,This one.
“Kimberly. Hi.” I couldn’t interpret her expression.
“Sorry to just drop by like this, but now that the investigation is over, I was hoping we could talk. But if it’s not a good time, I can come back another time.”
“It’s the perfect time,” she said. “Come on in.”
She was wearing faded jeans that hugged her slim body and a black tank top with purple bra straps peeking out. With her hair down and no make-up on, she looked like the quintessential girlnext door. I followed her inside the apartment, cataloging how many things had changed since the last time I was here.
She’d replaced her thrift store couch and mismatched chairs with a mission style set that worked perfectly in the room. The area rug and curtains were new since the last time I was here, as well as the throw pillows. I was surprised to see that the kitchen counters were free of clutter. The space was clean and organized, which was different from when we were together and Gina had struggled to control the mess.
“Were you expecting company?” I asked curiously, wondering if that was why her apartment seemed so uncharacteristically neat and tidy.
