Page 131 of Cold Bastard
“I love you.”
The words came out broken, barely a whisper against my temple, but they hit me like a freight train. My entire body went rigid, shock and disbelief warring with something dangerous, something that felt too much like hope.
No. No, he doesn’t get to say that. Not after everything.
“Don’t,” I choked out, my hands coming up to shove against his chest. “Don’t you fucking dare.”
“I love you,” he repeated, louder this time, his voice cracking with desperation. His hands tightened on my hips, holding me in place even as I tried to push him away. “I’ve loved you since the moment you slapped me in the clubhouse. Since you looked at me like I was a monster and still got wet for me, anyway.”
“Stop.”
“I love you,” he said again, and this time his voice broke completely. “And I’m so fucking sorry, Alex. I’m sorry I turned my back on you. I’m sorry I made you think you were nothing. I’m sorry I became exactly what you were afraid of.”
Tears streamed down my face, hot and furious, and I couldn’t stop them. “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to show up here after two months and tell me you love me like that makes everything okay.”
“It doesn’t make it okay,” he interrupted, his forehead still pressed against mine, his breath ragged. “Nothing makes it okay. But it’s the truth. I love you, and I’ve been dying without you. Every fucking day since you left, I’ve been dying.”
Liar. He’s lying. He has to be lying.
But the look in his eyes, God, the look in his eyes was destroying me. Raw and vulnerable and so fucking desperate it made my chest cave in.
“I don’t want to be the monster anymore,” he whispered, his voice barely audible over the pounding of my heart. “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to break you. I just want—” He stopped, his jaw clenching as he struggled to get the words out. “I justwant to be enough for you. To be the man you deserve instead of the sadistic fuck who gets off on your pain.”
“Nano.”
“I know I don’t deserve you,” he continued, his hands sliding up to cup my face, his thumbs brushing away my tears. “I know I fucked up. I know I destroyed everything we had. But I’m here, Alex. I’m here, and I’m begging you to give me another chance. To let me prove I can be different. That I can bebetter.”
My breath hitched, my entire body trembling as I stared up at him. Every instinct I had was screaming at me to run, to protect myself, to refuse him before he could hurt me again.
But beneath the fear, beneath the anger and the betrayal, there was something else.
Love.
I still loved him. Despite everything he had done, despite the way he shattered me in that basement, I still fucking loved him, and that terrified me more than anything. “I don’t know if I can trust you,” I whispered, my voice breaking. “I don’t know if I can survive you breaking me again.”
“Then don’t trust me,” he said, his voice fierce. “Don’t trust me, but let me earn it back. Let me show you I’m not the same man who walked away from you. Let me prove I can be what you need.”
“And what if you can’t?” I demanded, my hands fisting in his shirt. “What if you hurt me again? What if this is just another game, another way to break me down until there’s nothing left?”
“Then you leave,” he said simply. “You walk away, and I let you go. No hunting. No dragging you back. No forcing you to stay. You get to choose, Alex. You’ve always gotten to choose.”
Liar.
But even as the thought crossed my mind, I knew it wasn’t entirely true. He had given me choices before, terrible, impossible choices, but choices, nonetheless. And in thebasement, when Morpheus had forced my hand, Nano had been the one who’d suffered for it.
He took a knife to the leg for me.
He had broken free of his restraints and nearly killed Scythe for me.
He turned his back on me because looking at me would have destroyed him.
Fuck.
“I hate you,” I whispered, even as my hands slid up his chest to curl around the back of his neck. “I hate you so much.”
“I know,” he murmured, his lips brushing against my forehead. “I hate me too.”
And then his mouth was on mine, and I was lost.
