Page 84 of Cold Bastard
“But Firestride claimed me,” she continued. “Made me his old lady. Put his patch on my back and told every brother in this club that I was off-limits. And you know what? Morpheus respected it. They all did. Because Firestride made it clear that I wasn’t just some club whore. I was his.”
The word hit me like a slap.
His.
Just like I’d told Nano I was his.
“So when Morpheus called me,” Kyllian said, leaning forward slightly, “and told me there was a girl upstairs who might need someone to talk to, I came. Because I know what it’s like to be in this world. To be with these men. And I know how easy it is to lose yourself.”
“I haven’t lost myself,” I denied, but the words sounded hollow even to my own ears.
Kyllian’s eyes narrowed. “Haven’t you?”
The question hung in the air between us, heavy and accusatory. And I wanted to argue. Wanted to tell her she was wrong, that I knew exactly who I was and what I was doing.
But I couldn’t.
Because the truth was, I didn’t know anymore.
Three days ago, I’d been Alexandra Jones. Thief. Survivor. Someone who took what she wanted and didn’t apologize for it.
Now I was what? Nano’s? His possession? His toy?
His.
“I see it,” Kyllian said quietly, and there was something almost sad in her voice. “I see it in your eyes. The confusion. The shame. The part of you that’s screaming that this is wrong, that you should fight, that you should run.”
I swallowed hard, my throat tight.
“But there’s another part,” she continued, and her gaze was piercing now, seeing straight through me. “The part that doesn’t want to run. The part that wants to stay. That wants him.”
No.
But the denial died before it reached my lips, because she was right. God help me, she was right.
“I’m not judging you,” Kyllian said, and she sounded like she meant it. “I can’t. I chose this life. I chose Firestride, knowing exactly what the Brotherhood was, what he was. And I don’t regret it.”
“Why?” The word came out before I could stop it. “Why would you choose this?”
She smiled, but it was a sad, knowing smile. “Because sometimes the darkness is the only place that feels like home.”
The words hit me like a punch to the gut, because I understood them. Understood them in a way that made my chest ache and my eyes burn.
“But here’s the thing,” Kyllian said, her voice hardening again. “Choosing this life means understanding what you’regetting into. It means knowing the risks. The violence. The control. The way these men will take everything from you if you let them.”
“I know,” I whispered.
“Do you?” She leaned forward, her elbows on her knees, her eyes locked on mine. “Do you know what Nano is? What he’s capable of?”
I thought about the way he’d choked me. The way he’d edged me for hours. The way he’d fucked me until I couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t do anything but scream his name and beg for more.
“Yes,” I said, and my voice was steadier now. “I know.”
“And you still want to stay?”
The question should have been easy to answer. Should have been a simple no, a desperate plea for help, for escape, for someone to save me from this nightmare.
But it wasn’t.
