Page 47 of Cold Bastard
And God forgive me, I wanted him to.
The realization hit me like a physical blow, stealing what little breath I had left.
No. No, you don’t want that. You’re terrified. You’re—but the lie wouldn’t hold. Because underneath the terror, underneath the shame and self-loathing and desperate need to survive, there was something else. Something dark and fractured and wrong within me. A part of me that craved the violence. That needed the pain. That desired to be hurt in order to feel anything at all.
Michael had done that to me. He had broken something inside me, rewired my brain until pleasure and pain were so tangled together I couldn’t separate them anymore. Until the only way I could come was if someone was hurting me. Choking me. Taking away my air and my control, and my ability to fight back. And Nano knew it. He had seen it. Recognized it. And now he was going to use it against me.
You’re going to let him.The thought made bile rise in my throat. Because it was true. When he came for me, and he wouldcome for me, I could see it in his eyes, in the way his entire body was coiled like a spring ready to snap. I wouldn’t fight.
I was going to let him choke me.
I was going to let him hurt me. Let him make me come while I hated myself for it.
“Alex.”
Morpheus’ voice cut through the haze, sharp and commanding. I flinched, my gaze jerking toward him for half a second before dragging back to Nano.
Stop looking at him. Focus on Morpheus. He’s the one talking.
But I couldn’t. My eyes were locked on Nano as if he was the only thing in the room, the only thing that mattered.
“Look at me when I’m talking to you,” Morpheus said, his tone harder now.
I tried. I forced my head to turn, forced my eyes to focus on the president standing a few feet away. He was tall. Broad-shouldered. His face was all hard angles and cold calculation. His eyes assessed me like I was a problem to be solved. Or eliminated.
“You stole seventy-five million dollars from the Brotherhood of Bastards,” he said, his voice flat. “Money that belonged to me.”
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. My throat was too tight, my pulse hammering too hard.
“I want it back,” Morpheus continued. “Now.”
My gaze slid back to Nano.
Stop it. Stop looking at him.But I couldn’t help it. He was a black hole, pulling me in, and I was powerless to resist. His eyes hadn’t left me. Hadn’t even blinked. He was watching me with the kind of focus that made my skin crawl and burn at the same time. Like I was prey. Like he was deciding exactly how he was going to take me apart.
“I’m going to make this very simple,” Morpheus said. “You have two choices. You can transfer the money back. Or—”
He paused, letting the silence stretch.
“Or I let Nano off his leash.”
His words hung in the air, heavy and final.
Around the room, the other brothers shifted. I could feel their eyes on me, could hear the quiet rustle of leather and the creak of boots on concrete. They were waiting. Watching. Anticipating. “If I do that,” Morpheus continued, his voice dropping even lower, “there won’t be anything left of you to bury. Do you understand?”
I believed him. God help me, I believed every word. Because I could see it in his face. The cold certainty. The complete lack of bluff. Morpheus wasn’t making an idle threat. He was stating a fact. If he unleashed Nano, I would die. Slowly. Painfully. In ways I couldn’t even imagine. And Morpheus would let it happen.
My hands trembled against the concrete, my fingers curling into fists. My entire body was shaking now, adrenaline and arousal and terror all tangled together until I couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began.
“So,” Morpheus said. “Where’s my money?”
Logically, I knew I should tell him. I knew I should give him the account numbers, the passwords, everything he needed to take back what I had stolen. It was the smart choice. The only choice that didn’t end with me dead. But the words wouldn’t come. Because telling him meant dying anyway. Maybe not today. Maybe not in this basement. But eventually. Once they had the money, I would be a loose end. A liability. Someone who knew too much and had caused too much trouble, and they would kill me.
Or they would hand me over to Nano, and he would kill me.
Either way, I was dead.
So what’s the point?The thought settled over me like a shroud, cold and final. If I was going to die anyway, at least I could choose how.
