Page 32 of Delirium
I wasn’t going to run, but I also wasn’t going to stay with a man who obviously wasn’t what I wanted.
A coward. That’s what Storm Knoxx was. A motherfucking coward, trying to play it off as him giving me an out, his pathetic blessing for me to do whatever I wanted. As if he could stop me if I wanted to go and fuck somebody else.
As if he could stop me if I wanted to take his kids away from him.
He didn’t deserve me and he didn’t deserve them. He wasn’t even trying to be deserving of these two souls I was carrying in my stomach. They weren’t going to be collateral damage because their father didn’t pull his head out of his ass. If I had to, I would protect them from everybody else—even from myself.
My parents didn’t do that. They didn’t try to protect me, to show me how bright the world could be, but these kids were not going to have the same destiny as I did. Storm didn’t know what I planned to do, not yet, but he would find out.
The audacity to ask me if I were going to stay in Santa Monica. The audacity to expect anything from me. The fucking audacity to look heartbroken when he was the one breaking both of our hearts.
I swallowed my promise for this man. I never should have gone against my word after he humiliated me publicly in front of his entire Club. I relented because I wanted to be a bigger person. I didn’t want my life to be just one big sequence filled with revenge and blood.
I wanted it to mean something, to have some light in it. I wanted to fight for what I believed in, for my people, for my kids, because I refused to believe that people couldn’t change.
Vengeance was always fueled by anger, eating at your insides, staining the brightness in our souls. I knew it because I lived through it. I allowed anger to turn me into a vicious beast, hungry for revenge, for the blood of those who wronged me. I didn’t want to listen. I didn’t want to stop to think for even one second, and I wouldn’t have minded burning the entire world to get to my end goal.
But plans changed, people did too. For a second, I thought that maybe, just fucking maybe, I could put it all behind me and live in this new world where everything wasn’t just about anger and killing people who fucked me over.
I wanted to fight for the man who was now entering the cabin, passing right next to Atlas who refused to look at Storm and only stared at me.
I didn’t want to talk to him either because I had nothing to say. Whatever it was that my father told Storm couldn’t have been the reason why he decided it would be better to push me away than to open up to me.
I was getting tired of this game we were playing, and I just wanted it to stop.
Atlas opened his mouth to say something, but I shook my head, too strung out to hear anything he had to say. He’d done enough already and I would deal with that when I wasn’t feeling as if everything was falling apart.
In all the darkness surrounding me, I believed that Storm would be one bright spot to keep me up. I believed he would understand my mind, he would understand that I didn’t want to live like this anymore.
I needed an escape, something new to hold me upright, and it was obvious he wasn’t it.
Atlas simply nodded and entered the cabin before me, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Well, today, we were going to start anew. Today, I was going to mourn for something that never could have been and tomorrow I would forget he ever existed.
I would forget the taste of his lips and the feeling of his skin beneath my palm as he hugged me to his chest. I would forget the sound of his voice and what he could do to me.
I would forget that my heart ever cried for him, because only people who truly wanted me deserved to be remembered, and men who didn’t know how to handle their feelings for me weren’t invited into that circle.
Warmth enveloped me as soon as I entered inside the cabin, walking straight toward Storm who was looking at the small group of people gathered around Indigo and Atlas. Atlas laughed at something Indigo said.
“You mean he didn’t tell you how fucking amazing I am?” Atlas asked the guy standing in front of him, pointing at Indigo.
“Atlas,” Indigo warned.
“What? The kid has the right to know what a motherfucker you are from time to time.”
I paid no attention to two of them. The girl and two guys standing on each side of her were what tickled my attention. Her blond hair flew down her shoulders, swallowing her petite frame. Her striking blue eyes were trained on Indigo, moving slowly to Atlas, while the blond guy standing next to her kept his entire body turned toward her, as if he could protect her from us.
I knew the look on his face. I could recognize yearning and pain as if it were my own. I saw it enough times staring back at me in the mirror whenever I thought about Storm. I was sure it was permanently etched on my face, and I could recognize it in other people even when they tried to hide it.
The dark-haired guy standing on her other side must have been Ash Crowell who the guys spoke of. Those eyes of his had seen more than a young person ever should. The tragedy was written all over his face, the remnants of darkness lingering on him like an extension of his soul. I have never met another person whose eyes held the pain of a thousand other souls because they went through hell and crawled back out.
“Atlas!” Storm roared, shutting them all up. The anger brewed beneath his skin, and even though I felt his eyes on me earlier, I didn’t want to look. He didn’t deserve it anymore.
I could feel his eyes on me now, and I knew if I turned back, I would see the same expression as the blond guy carried. But I wasn’t the one pushing him away this time around. I was ready for the future, for better things. He was the one stalling now. He was the one stopping us from ever happening.
I glanced up, hating how weak I was where he was involved, hating the need reflecting back at me from his eyes. I quickly glanced back, scanning the three kids watching us with wide eyes.
“Storm Knoxx,” Storm introduced himself, without shaking Ash’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Ash Crowell. We have quite a lot to discuss.”
