Page 19 of Delirium
My boys were right—they could help, and they were helping. What happened in San Diego was a catastrophe, but none of them blamed me. If anything, it brought all of us even closer. None of the other leaders saw me as a fuckup for not being able to stop it.
The plan was born, and now we just needed to fully execute it.
The only downfall of this plan was that the lead we had would take us straight to Winworth. Straight into my biggest nightmare, and I would need to tell her everything.
She stirred on the bed Atlas arranged for her, but she didn’t turn toward me.
I wanted to see her eyes, to tell her it would all be okay. To beg her for forgiveness.
I just didn’t know how.
I would be lying if I said that her comparing me to Kieran didn’t hurt, but what hurt even more was that she would rather go with the man who was incapable of doing anything right, instead of staying here. I understood why, but it didn’t mean I had to like it.
This heaviness inside my heart choked me, and this chasm I’d created between us was too wide to overcome right now, but I could do it. I would get her to trust me again.
“I was born in Winworth, which you already knew.” I started speaking, knowing she was listening, waiting to see what I would do. “I was born as the bastard son of a drug addict who would sell her own child to the highest bidder, if it meant that she would be able to score more drugs.”
Ophelia’s back stiffened at the sound of my voice. My gut churned as I relived all those memories, but I still did it.
“I was four years old when Nikolai came to take me, buying me from them,” I murmured, hating the weakness wrapped around my shoulders. I hated that it made me feel filthy. No matter how much I tried to wash it away from my skin, the sins that lived deep inside of me still chuckled, laughing at the futile attempts to change the past.
“I knew your brother, Ophelia,” I continued, looking at the ceiling. “I thought he was my new brother, before Nikolai decided to take me to the Red Manor.”
I thought this new family was going to be mine forever. I thought I was going to be safe finally, but the demon who took me was hungry and depraved, deciding I was better off as a toy than as a member of his family.
“And I met you before that day on the street,” I revealed, waiting for her reaction.
She maybe hated me right now. I didn’t doubt that she would have killed me if it wasn’t for the feelings she had for me. If anything, her only harming me told me everything I needed to know—she still cared about me.
It was buried deep inside, underneath the anger and pain I caused, but it was still there.
She suddenly turned around, her wide, distrustful eyes narrowed on me. Questions were evident on her face, but she didn’t say a word.
“I never told you, because I didn’t know at first. Even as a kid, you were drawn to me, as much as I was drawn to you. It wasn’t the physical attraction back then, of course it wasn’t.” I chuckled. “You asked me why I was sad,” I whispered, reliving the one good memory I had from that place. “I hate that they took away your innocence, Ophelia.” I looked at her. “I hate that I couldn’t recognize your brilliant eyes when I met you again, but I guess that there’s a reason for everything. Maybe it was wicked destiny, maybe some other fucked-up thing, but we kept finding our way to each other over the years, no matter what happened.”
She pulled herself up and sat on the bed, crossing her legs.
“You told me my eyes were sad, and I knew they were. You were such a tiny, young thing and I couldn’t understand how someone like you could see so clearly inside my soul.” I stood up and slowly walked toward the bars and lowered myself down on the floor, careful not to move my shoulder more than necessary.
“You were only five years old,” I murmured as I sat down. “I wanted to take you away from there and hide you from the vicious people who visited the Red Manor. They ate innocent little things like you for breakfast. Their main goal was to break us, to mold us into these robots that would do everything they asked of us. You have no idea how many of them died. You have no idea how many times we fell asleep, only to be awakened by one of the guards, taking us to the pit to satisfy their new customers.”
She blinked, her eyes softening, but it wasn’t enough.
“Kieran was there as well,” I mumbled.
“What?” she exclaimed, coming to the bars, and lowering herself down on the floor, opposite of me.
“He called you Birdy.” I chuckled. “And he hated me even then. Which, in reality, was understandable. You were a kid walking around unattended, in a place where all kinds of monstrous things happened, talking to this guy nine years older than you. If I were him at that time, I would have dragged you away from there screaming and kicking, but I would have saved you, Phee.”
She pressed her forehead against the bars, closing her eyes.
“You were the first person to show me kindness after years of torture.”
She kept quiet, her eyes on me, listening to every word I said.
“You hugged me, telling me to smile.” I smiled miserably. “And I made you suffer. I broke you.”
I pressed my forehead against the bars, on the opposite side of hers. “You told me your name, but I never connected the dots, baby girl. I never connected the dots because I wanted to forget about that time, and I should have. I didn’t know who you were when I met you on that street. I didn’t know who you were when Logan sent us to pick you up. He wanted to destroy his sons because he knew they were working against him. He was supposed to give Las Vegas back to us if we delivered you to him. I had no idea why he wanted you, I still don’t, but I couldn’t tell you that the only reason you were there with me was because he sent me for you.”
