Page 7 of Delirium
“I’m sorry,” I murmured because there was nothing else I could say. I couldn’t choose her right now, and that was where we were at.
“Don’t be sorry. But, Storm…” she took a deep breath. “If these kids are anything but number one to you, you will never see them. That I can guarantee. You will never get to hold them, take them out, or cherish them.”
“You can’t—”
“Oh, yes, I can. The world is a huge place, Storm, and you better be ready to always have them as your priority. Because if they’re not, I’m not going to subject them to the same emotional damage I’ve gone through.”
I hated when she talked like this, detaching herself from me, but she had a point. I knew she would be a great mom. She was already fiercely protective of them. She already threatened me and everyone else because she loved them, and that was all that mattered.
“I promise,” I murmured against her hair, inhaling her scent one last time. “They will always come first.”
With those words uttered in the darkness of the room, I held her one last time, until the dawn cracked through the windows, illuminating her sleeping form.
I didn’t want to close my eyes. I didn’t want to miss a moment because this was all we had. This was all I would ever get, and I would cherish this memory forever.
Pulling my phone out from my back pocket, I opened the camera, taking one last picture of her calm, sleeping face, and pulled myself away from her. My soul cried to stay, to hold her, to show her how much we loved her.
My entire body fought against me and what I needed to do, but I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t fucking stay with her.
She cried out in her sleep, frowning as soon as I stood up from the bed. No matter how much I wanted to go back, to just stay, just be, I couldn’t fucking do it.
With the last atoms of strength, I picked up my T-shirt and my boots and walked out of the room, leaving her behind.
2
OPHELIA
One month and a half later
Ice settleddown in my bones, keeping me from going to the room right next to mine, to just see him, maybe talk to him. It prevented me from running after him after I found the cold spot on my bed that morning after the lockdown. Even though it hurt like hell, I knew he made the right choice.
He was letting me go. He was letting all three of us go.
The first few days, it felt as if the pain took a permanent residence in my heart, stopping me from doing anything. Zoe and Atlas tried cheering me up. Indigo came back, pissed that I wanted to keep the pregnancy a secret, then even more pissed because I let Storm go, but he helped—in a way. Kaiser barely left my side as well, but all of them were, unfortunately, only distractions.
I loved them, every single one of them, but they weren’t who I wanted, no, needed by my side, and it fucking sucked.
Avoidance was my best friend these days, and the newfound ninja skills I now had whenever I was moving through the house were movie worthy. Hell, Bruce Lee would have been proud of me. The other day I hid behind the tall cactus in the living room because I could hear Storm’s voice coming my way.
He was with Atlas, discussing protection details. The look on Atlas’s face was more than comical when he saw me there, but Storm didn’t, and that’s what mattered. Those first couple of days, it felt as if my heart would fall out of my chest, but it didn’t.
I glued it up, taped it with the love I had for these two kids. I had to be strong for them. If I wanted them to have a good life filled with good things, I had to glue myself together again. It was easier in the past, masking my pain and my misery with anger, heading straight into revenge, refusing to show other people how I truly felt.
But that could only take me so far, and I didn’t want to live like that.
Was I angry, disappointed and whatnot because yet another person decided to throw me away? Absolutely.
Was I going to sneak into his room and cut his dick off? That remained to be seen.
I was still me, after all, and if he tried to pull the same shit with me, he might lose his precious family jewels.
But today wasn’t about him, or me, or anything really. After having to reschedule my ultrasound appointment, I finally got to see them on the screen.
I never thought I would be this emotional over the fact that I now could hold the ultrasound picture of my babies. While neither one of them cooperated with us so we could see the gender initially, they finally relented, calming down enough for the doctor to see it. I was happy knowing they were fine, even if he didn’t tell me that I was carrying a boy and a girl
One of them was slightly bigger than the other. If someone asked me right now what the doctor said after he told me their gender, I wouldn’t know because half of his words just flew in one ear and out the other. My entire attention was plastered to the black-and-white screen where the two of them were visible.
I didn’t give a fuck about anything else.
