Page 12 of Delirium
“I am not yours, goddammit!” I bellowed, the patrons from other tables turning toward our table. “I was never supposed to be yours, Storm. I am never going to be, you fucking asshole!”
I moved the phone away from me and gave it back to Indigo.
“We’re going back to the Club,” I said, getting up. “K,” I looked at him, “I’ll give you a call tonight. He isn’t going to like me very much today.”
He wasn’t going to like what I was about to do at all, but there was no other option.
There was no other way.
3
OPHELIA
Life and deathof the universe swam in my eyes, reflecting back in the mirror inside the car, fighting over each other, waging a war of worlds in my soul. Chains tightened around my ribs, closing in through the cracks, reaching my heart. The cold, unforgiving metal brushed against my lungs, my entire body shuddering when we stopped in front of the clubhouse.
I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to say goodbye, but I had to.
This pathetic person sitting around, waiting for him to finally realize what could have been wasn’t me. None of this was me. I could blame it on hormones and all the other things that have happened, but I chose this. I chose not to run. I chose to stay.
I decided that I wanted to show them all I wasn’t the monster they made me out to be, but I had nothing to prove to them. They weren’t the ones who mattered. Only these kids did, these innocent souls I carried underneath my dark heart. I just hoped the black tar swimming in my veins wouldn’t poison their tiny, little brains.
What was I thinking? Families and happy endings were never in store for me. They could never be, because even though I couldn’t see it now, I could still feel the crimson blood dripping down my hands. I could still hear the voices whispering in my ears, cackling like hyenas at what I allowed myself to be.
This death of the old me I tried to orchestrate didn’t work, and the only thing I managed to do was become a sad, pathetic, little girl.
I allowed a man to shatter the walls I loved so much, but not anymore. This had to end.
“Ophelia,” Indigo started, his hands still wrapped around the wheel, his eyes staring straight forward. “I know we’re not friends, and I know you would rather have Atlas here than me, but…” He took a deep breath. “If leaving is what you need to do, I’ll help you.”
“You would betray him?” I scoffed. “I highly doubt that.”
“No.” He shook his head. “I would be doing you both a favor. This thing between the two of you… It isn’t healthy. I know you’ve tried to stay. I know you’ve tried to fix it in your own, fucked-up way, but it isn’t working, darling.”
The chains tightened with each new word he spoke, killing the last remnants of hope I had.
“I have no idea why he isn’t talking to you. Why he doesn’t tell you what’s going on.”
“I know what’s going on, Indigo. I know he’s choosing the Club over me and these kids, and that’s alright. I’m trying to make my peace with that, but the fact that he’s walking around with that motherfucking bitch, laughing with her, eating with her, doing God knows what with her, that’s what hurts. I told him I would stay for the sake of these children, so that they would be able to have the dad I never had, but he isn’t trying. He isn’t doing anything to at least try and make all of this better.”
“I know.”
“The only reason why he called earlier is because it was Kieran I was sitting with. My friend, Indigo. You saw us. You heard us. Do you really think I would go back to him?”
“No.”
“Storm’s trying to cage me, Indigo,” I murmured. “He’s trying to kill the pieces of me he doesn’t like, and these last two to three months, I thought I wanted that. But I don’t. I fucking love who I am. I love the fact that there are grown-ass men who are afraid of me, because I don’t give a fuck who or what you are. What I give a fuck about is how much you could scream, and how much you bleed.”
“He knows that as well,” Indigo said, looking at me. “I think he loves you. I think he just doesn’t know how to deal with these things.”
“Well,” I grabbed the handle and opened the door, letting the fresh air envelop my senses, “it’s going to be too late once he figures it out.”
There were no prospects in front of the house, but I could feel eyes on my back as I turned toward the car, waiting for Indigo to step outside. I could feel the animosity pulsating in these brick walls, and I knew he was watching.
Gravel scrunched underneath my boots, my feet carrying me straight toward the entrance, toward the double wooden door. Kaiser was with Zozo, or at least I hoped he was. He was the only being I wanted to take away from here.
It would have been Zoe as well, but she would never leave her brother behind, and he would never leave the Club. Atlas would never leave Indigo no matter how much he resented him right now, which left me all alone with my pup.
“Are you going to leave?” Indigo asked from behind me, following me inside. My heart wept for what could never be, but at least I would know that I’d tried.
