Page 87 of Oblivion
I held onto the fact that he still couldn’t keep his hands off me, knowing that it might take months for him to forgive me, but I could wait. I could learn to be patient. It all fell into the water when I saw him with her.
Holding her, caressing her while a thousand emotions flickered over that face I loved so much.
My vision blurred, the tears I’d been keeping at bay for so long, releasing from my body with the anguished cry.
“I’ve lost him,” I sobbed in the empty room, alone in my misery.
Maybe Nikolai was right. People like us weren’t born to be loved. The only thing we knew how to do well was to destroy, to shatter, to show our ugly side to the world. These last couple of months I tried to be good. I tried to keep my tongue, to show emotions instead of hiding them from the rest of the world.
I tried to change the things that scared other people. I wanted to fit in. I wanted to open myself, to come with terms that I did monstrous things. Things that weren’t okay.
I fucking tried!
I gripped the top of the duvet in my hand, my fist squeezing as hard as possible, my knuckles turning white from the force, trying to erase this agony, but there was no use.
Kaiser whined, lying next to my feet, looking at me with those round, brown eyes, as if he could understand what I was going through. And maybe he could.
People abandoned him as well, leaving him in a metal cage with no hope for tomorrow, and in a way I think that’s why I took him. I could see the pain reflected in those brown eyes. I could see the understanding when he looked at me.
They judged him because his breed was illegally used for dog fights, portraying them in a wrong way, and no one even stopped to learn more about him. About his big heart, his goofiness… They didn’t allow him to show them love, to show them that he could be more than what those other people portrayed his breed as.
“We are not so different, are we?” I asked him, whispering as I slid down the bed and sat right next to him. He placed his head on top of my thigh, looking up at me with the understanding I had never seen on another human being. “They put a label on us, Kaiser,” I murmured, wiping my tears. “They refused to believe that we could be something better.” I placed my hand on top of his head, rubbing the spot behind his ears.
“You were labeled because bad people used your cousins for something bad, forcing them to be vicious,” I took a deep breath. “And I was labeled for all the things I was forced to do when I had no other choice. I didn’t have a choice, buddy. I didn’t have a fucking choice.”
He started whining, pulling his head backward to lick my hand.
“And I ran, you know?” I smiled hollowly. “I ran because I was scared. Because I didn’t know better. No one has ever shown me better.”
He placed his paws on top of my legs, as if to show support.
“I cheated on him, and I am so sorry, you know? None of them would ever know how sorry I am.”
“Ophelia,” Indigo spoke behind me, my entire body stiffening at the sound of his voice.
Kaiser raised his head, growling softly at the man standing somewhere behind us, and I grabbed his collar, holding him to me. The last thing I wanted to have today was a bloodshed because my dog didn’t like one of the members of the Club.
“I, uh…” He stammered. “I came to apologize,” he continued, yet I still couldn’t turn my head toward him. “The way I behaved toward you, well,” he chuckled brokenly. “It wasn’t right. And I’m ashamed of myself. I’m ashamed of every single word I’ve told you, and it wasn’t your fault.”
“Why do you hate me so much?” I asked, containing the emotions overflowing in my body. “I have never met you. I never even had anything to do with the Club until Storm brought me here. I know I am not a saint, but—”
“It wasn’t you,” he murmured and I could hear him walking further into the room, Kaiser's eyes stuck to his every movement. “It was your father. Nikolai.”
I winced at the pain lacing his words, at the heavy atmosphere surrounding us, but maybe this was what we needed to move forward. I never wanted to hate Indigo, not when he meant so much to Atlas, but he gave me no choice.
“He slaughtered my entire family, except for me and Zoe. And honestly, seeing you and the same craziness in your eyes that he used to carry, it brought back all those memories I’ve tried to bury.”
“I’m nothing like Nikolai, Indigo,” I bit out, hating that he would even compare me to that man.
“I know,” he said, his breathing calm and controlled while a war waged inside of me. “I know that now, and seeing you these last couple of days, I understand that you could have been like him, but you aren’t.”
I wasn’t a fool. I sensed the change in him and considering that I never heard him opening the door, I was pretty sure that he heard my monologue earlier.
“How much did you hear?”
“Enough to know that you aren’t a monster, Ophelia. And you were right the other day, We all made mistakes. We killed, maimed, hell,” he chuckled. “I did things that would make a grown ass man cry, but you don’t see any of us shunning me for that. Yet we did that to you. We were blinded by rage, by sorrow, by loyalty to Storm, and we forgot that underneath that mask you’re constantly wearing is still a beating heart and a human being trying their best to do things differently.”
“And look what that got me,” I smiled and finally looked at him. His eyes widened at the sight of my tear-stained face and the emotions I rarely showed to other people. “I tried to change who I am these last couple of months, Indigo. I really did.”
