Page 82 of Oblivion
“Your favorite person,” a familiar voice called out, and even before she finished the sentence, I was opening the door, spreading my arms into a hug.
“Zozo!” I screamed, happier than ever to see her.
Kaiser pushed his head between the doorframe and my leg, staring up at her. “And who do we have here?” she asked, hugging me. “Is he yours?”
“Zozo, this is Kaiser,” I told her and he lifted his head, beaming at her.
She took a step back from me and kneeled right in front of him. Extending her hand, she let him sniff her first before petting his head.
“You’re such a good boy, aren’t you?” He was an attention-seeking whore, that’s what he was, but I only laughed when he rolled down on the floor, showing her his belly. “I leave you for a few months, and you get yourself a dog, change your hair color… What else did you do?”
“I missed you, Zozo,” I said, squeezing her arm. “I really, really missed you and I’m so glad to see you.”
“Of course you did.” She grinned. “I’m awesome. Buuuut…” she stepped inside, letting me close the door after us while Kaiser vied for Zoe’s attention. “I missed you too, dude,” Zoe added. “I’m also kinda pissed at you for disappearing this last month. But I get it and I’m not holding it against you.”
“Really?” I narrowed my eyes on her. “Is that why you stayed away even though Storm brought me here?”
“Okay.” She rolled her eyes. “Fine, maybe I am holding it against you. But just a little bit. Teeny tiny bit, but it’s only because I cried a river of tears thinking you were dead. And then I cried some more when I found out you weren’t dead.”
“Oh, Zoe.” I hated the fact that I was the reason for even a little bit of her sadness, but no matter what she said, I knew she understood. She was one of the rare people that understood me better than I understood myself.
“I’m fine, we are fine.” She pointed at herself, then at me. “But don’t do that shit again, okay?”
“I promise.” I smiled. “So, what have you been up to?” I asked as I sat down on the floor with Kaiser next to me.
He pushed his snout in my lap, waiting for me to start petting him. His tail wiggled, and I have never met a dog that liked meeting new people more than he did. I expected him to be weary, to be scared considering how abandoned he was, but he embraced this new life he'd gotten, and maybe, just maybe, I could learn something from him.
Zoe plopped down on the bed, her red hair bouncing around her shoulders. “This and that, you know? I just needed to get away from all of this for a while. I’d been unconscious for the most part, but the nightmares.” She shuddered. “The nightmares kept me awake even for the things that I haven’t witnessed with my own eyes. I know that compared to you guys and what you went through it truly was nothing, but still…”
“It was a traumatic experience,” I started when she kept her mouth shut, seemingly lost in thought. “And every single person reacts differently. The first time I had to kill somebody I thought I would die.” She winced at my words. “But I got used to it.”
“How do you even get used to such a thing?”
“It was either that or getting killed, there was no other option. You are lucky because you had your brother. It doesn’t matter that I want to strangle him myself, but he still protected you from the horrors of this world. And trust me, Zozo, if you knew the monsters walking among us, you would never even leave your house. Sometimes the innocent looking ones were the worst kind. Other times those that had a reputation of being vicious and scary were actually angels compared to them.”
“You mean, like you?” She chuckled.
“I’m not an angel, and trust me, I did things I am not proud of. Sometimes I can still hear their screams, I can still see their eyes and the sadness suffocating the life out of them, because they knew it was the end. The people I’ve killed weren’t always bad guys. Sometimes they just happened to be at the wrong place and at the wrong time, but I still did it. So believe me when I say, I am no one’s angel.”
“I think you are. I have only ever felt truly safe with my brother and you, because I know that you would risk your life to save mine. And as much as it might sound selfish, I know I wouldn’t be able to defend myself like you do. I know I wouldn’t be able to kill a person even if they attack me.”
“You’d be surprised what you are capable of when you’re put in a situation where you had no other choice but to kill and destroy,” I murmured, looking at the floor.
All those people I’d killed. All those innocent and not so innocent lives I’d taken.
Some of them weren’t even legal enough to drink, and to think that I took it all away from them because I followed orders… It haunted me, and it would continue to haunt me. There was nothing I could do to redeem myself in the eyes of the universe for everything I did.
A thousand good deeds wouldn’t be able to wash away the stain from my soul. I didn’t know what I did to deserve a friend like her, but I was grateful that there was at least one person in my life who loved me for me and who cared enough to be angry because I disappeared.
Anger, sadness, fear, they all came because we cared. Maybe it was another person, maybe it was a new job interview, but if we didn’t give a fuck, none of them would ever appear, and grateful didn’t even begin to cover how I felt because she still loved me no matter what.
“So,” Zoe started. “You do know there’s a party going on downstairs, right?”
“I know.” I nodded.
“And you’re just going to sit here, ignoring the free booze and the possibility of meeting new people.”
“What’s the point? They all hate me anyway.”
