Page 100 of Oblivion
“And you can keep them, as long as I don’t have to see you anymore. You can go and fuck whoever you want to, be with whoever you want to, Storm. I’m nothing to you, we both know that.”
“That’s not true.”
“Save me, please. At least be a man enough and admit out loud that your main goal was always this.”
“No,” he shook his head and looked up at me. “My main goal was to have you next to me, but you didn’t want that.”
“You never asked me what I wanted, and if you did, I would’ve told you that I wanted you. But I wanted you without any secrets, without all of this bullshit. You told me that day that you never wanted to see me again, and trust me, once we’re done with this insanity, you never will again.”
“No,” he growled, moving to the bed and pinning my other hand above my head. “You’re not leaving me!” he roared. “You’re not going anywhere.”
“Just watch me.”
“Storm!” Atlas yelled out and within seconds pulled him off me, throwing him to the other side of the room. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Her!” He pointed at me. “She’s what’s wrong with me,” he breathed out. “I wish I never had met you,” he told me, looking straight into my eyes, shattering the last piece of my heart.
“The feeling is entirely mutual,” I murmured flatly, and turned to the side. “I want you to leave, Storm. I’m too tired for this bullshit.”
And he did. He left without a word, disappearing faster than he appeared.
My heart ached, my body trembled, and the tears I didn’t know I had spilled over my eyes onto my cheeks, shaking me to my core.
“Don’t cry, Phee,” Zoe murmured, wrapping herself around me. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “He doesn’t know what he’s doing.”
“He does,” I exhaled. “He knows very well, but this is who the two of us are. The pieces of a puzzle that would never fit together. We’re terrible together. Toxic, and I don’t want my child to grow up in this. I don’t want it,” I cried out.
“Shhhh.” She tried calming me down, but the reality was that she wasn’t the one I wanted to have here with me.
It was him. It was the man my body and soul cried for, but he didn’t want me.
Not really.
* * *
Storm
I hated myself tonight.
I hated what I said to her, how I behaved, and it seemed as if my mind and my heart couldn’t cooperate together, and every single time I would talk to her, I would only make things worse.
But God, she could make my blood boil like no one else, and all that talk of leaving, of getting away from me felt like a million tiny shards embedding themselves into my heart, because even if she didn’t want me to touch her, to kiss her, to show her what I felt, I wanted her around.
It was toxic, possessive, downright insane, but I couldn’t bear seeing her with somebody else. I was tethering on the edge of insanity, and every single smile she granted to other people was like a punch to the gut, pushing the green monster living in my soul to the forefront, making me do things I would never really do.
The other day I almost broke the chair, holding onto it as she spoke with one of the prospects, completely ignoring me. I was even jealous of Atlas and Indigo, even though I knew that neither one of them looked at her in such a way.
I was a jealous motherfucker, and I didn’t know what to do.
I wanted to hate her for making me succumb to this, but I couldn’t. She wasn’t the one that pulled the trigger. It was all me.
Stumbling through the hallway, I couldn’t bring myself to go to my room. Half of the bottle of Jack Daniels I’d downed earlier should’ve numbed the pain. It should have made things better, but it only made everything worse.
I could feel her, right here in my heart, killing me with her coldness, but I understood that armor better than anybody else. I just wished we didn’t have to come to this. I wished I didn’t have to break us.
I had no idea what time it was, but I needed to see her, to hold her, to tell her how much I love her. Waves of despair crashed against my body, pushing me to her, drowning me in this sorrow I caused myself. My palms landed on the wooden door leading to her room, caressing the surface as if it was her, and I just hoped she would let me in. She would let me hold her, just tonight.
Just one night where I would forget that I messed up the best thing in my life.
