Page 31 of Temptation
“Stop trying to be a hero, Ash!” Kane thundered. “You’re not. None of us are. We’re all fucking villains. We’re all playing a dangerous game here, and we all know that someone is bound to get hurt at the end of it. We all know what the consequences of our actions are, so get your fucking head out of your ass, and start asking for help, because you’ll need it.”
I was speechless. My mouth hung agape, my eyes glued at the face of this boy, no scratch that, of this man, that I thought knew nothing. Now I understood why it always felt as if he could see more than he let on. Why it always seemed like he knew what he was doing even when he was behaving erratically.
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” I lied. I fucking lied because I didn’t want to want them. I didn’t want to need them, because needing other people always ended up in bloodshed.
Look at my parents. Look what they got for trusting the wrong people. Look what happened when they believed in their friends.
They betrayed them. They fucking killed them, leaving me and my brother in the world without them. I couldn’t let them in, even though every nerve ending in my body screamed to do just that.
My mind was telling me to run away, to get out of here, to go as far away as possible from the two of them, but my heart sang a different tune. My heart wanted to have somebody to trust. My heart didn’t want to be alone in this mess anymore, and I realized that I didn’t either.
Maybe I didn’t have to tell them everything. Maybe I could tell them only what they needed to know so that they could help me.
“Bullshit,” Rowan spat out. “You’re so full of bullshit, Ash. I don’t know how you’re not drowning in it by now.”
“Hey—”
“He’s right,” Kane agreed. “I’m not saying that we need to be best friends after one night in the catacombs, but we’re not the bad guys here. We’re not the best ones either, but we’re not Judah. We’re not the Order.”
“And what? I’m just supposed to trust your word?” I scoffed and got up. “Not a chance.”
“Ash.” Rowan stood up and took a hold of my upper arm when I tried passing next to him. “Just hear us out, okay? You don’t have to trust us, and I understand why you wouldn’t. All we’re saying is that it’s better if we’re unified with this than divided. We all want the same thing.”
“You have no idea what I want,” I bit out and shook his hand off of me. “None of you do. You and your perfect little lives, with perfect families, perfect wealth, and perfect clothes. You have no idea what I went through.”
“And you think that we had it better just because our families seem to have it all together?” Kane asked and stood up. Anger blazed in his eyes, his eyebrows lowered down, as if he was ready to fight me on this. “You think that just because we grew up here, just because we had our parents, that things were easier for us? You’re saying that we have no idea what you went through, yet you stand there, behaving all high and mighty, thinking you’re better than us. We,” he waved his finger between us, “we’re all the same. We’re all products of fucked-up families. Yours was maybe killed, but not a day passes where I don’t wish that mine was too.”
He threw the half-eaten apple onto the table, letting it bounce off of the wooden surface and to the floor, and walked away from us. I stared after his retreating form, until the darkness of the catacombs swallowed him, leaving just the empty space behind.
My heart thundered in my chest, telling me to go after him. To fix this rift I caused with my callously spoken words, but my ego wouldn’t allow me. Nobody ever apologized to me for the things I had to go through. Nobody ever apologized for the scars on my body, so why should I apologize to him for saying what everybody else thought?
“He’s right, you know?” Rowan said. I turned toward him with an arched eyebrow. “You’re not the only one that went through hell, Ash. Some of us are still living in hell. Some of us are just trying to survive. It won’t do you any good to isolate yourself from everybody else.”
“Is that a threat?”
“No.” He shook his head. “It’s a fact. I’m not trying to be your enemy. I’m not trying to ruffle your feathers, or to stand in the way of what you want to do. Trust me, most of us would kill to have the life you had. You have no idea how vile this town is. You have no idea what they’re capable of.”
“Then tell me.”
“I will, but this isn’t just a business transaction. I’m offering you something bigger than just information. I’m offering you friendship, Ash. I’m offering you a place where you could belong.” He turned around and bent down, retrieving his phone. “You’re not the only lonely soul roaming the halls of these catacombs.” His hand landed on my shoulder, squeezing, as if he was trying to put into action the words he spoke. “We’re all alone—some more than the others, but we all need somebody to hold our hand and to help us from time to time. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes you strong.”
I swallowed, my Adam’s apple bobbing. I brushed my clammy palms against my pants and refused to look at Rowan.
Truth to be told, I was alone. Yeah, I had Sebastian, I had Uncle Neal, but I was alone in this fight. Uncle Neal helped. He pushed and instructed, but he had no idea how hard it was some nights. How terrifying it was, standing in front of those monsters last night, unable to move a muscle.
My soul yearned to have somebody in its corner. Skylar soothed some wounds, but the other ones could only be mended with different kinds of love.
“Okay,” I whispered.
“What?” I could feel his eyes on the side of my face. I could feel the shock radiating off his body, but I still kept looking toward the exit of the catacombs. I didn’t dare look at him, because if I did, all the courage I had would evaporate into the thin air, and I would refuse whatever it was they were offering.
“Tell me what you know. I want in. I want to be part of this gang, squad, whatever you call it.”
His sudden laughter echoed around us, and I forced myself to stay rooted to the spot.
“We don’t exactly have a name.” He continued laughing. “It’s not a Scooby Gang or anything like that. We’re just… friends.”
“Friends.” I rolled the word over my tongue, tasting it, letting it wash over me. I never had friends. Never allowed myself to get too close to people, because I knew I wouldn’t stay long enough in one place to create any lasting memories. Uncle Neal kept moving us every year, and after those first couple of years where it felt as if my entire world was collapsing with each and every move, I decided that it was better not to get attached. It hurt less, and God knew that my heart couldn’t take any more scars.
