Page 54 of Temptation
I would do anything to keep her with me.
11
SKYLAR
I’ve been sittingin my car for the past fifteen minutes, contemplating if I really wanted to go in or not.
I woke up alone—no Dylan, not even a message where he went, but the spot he occupied was cold when I finally opened my eyes. I didn’t want to worry about him. I didn’t want to think about all the ways he could end up in trouble, but I also couldn’t lie.
When I told him I loved him, I meant it. I meant it with every fiber of my body. Then why did it feel like I was getting sucker punched every time I thought about him as only my brother.
Because he isn’t your brother, you idiot. And he’s hot.
“No,” I hit the steering wheel. “That’s not… No.”
Whatever you say, but you’re only lying to yourself.
Was I? Was I only lying to myself?
Was it possible that the dam broke the moment I found out we weren’t related and all the restraints flew out the window, setting my heart free? Was it possible that this thing living in my heart was something more than just sisterly love?
“No.” I shook my head again. “I’m not going to think about it.” I huffed.
I wasn’t going to think about it, but how could I not?
I woke up alone, disoriented, with two-day-old clothes and smeared makeup on my face. The shower this morning felt like a rebirth, as if the water could wash away all the sins from my skin, from my soul.
The clouds were darker today and the smell of rain penetrated the air as soon as I stepped out of the car. With my bag over my shoulder, I looked over the parking lot, seeing the smiling students, completely oblivious to everything that was happening in Winworth. A crow sat on one of the electric wires, observing, marking us all with its beady eyes, yet there was comfort in the way she watched over us.
I’ve read somewhere that in certain cultures, crows were the ones helping us pass over to the other world. They reminded me of Dylan in a way; misunderstood, messengers of death, yet completely harmless for those they loved.
The way he behaved yesterday was completely different from what I expected. I think it would’ve been easier if he yelled, if he showed me the monster from the night of the ritual. It would’ve been easier to push him away if he didn’t show me any affection, if he scared me.
But he didn’t scare me yesterday. He didn’t even try to yell.
The only thing I saw as soon as I stepped inside was a broken man. A broken man who needed me, who bled for me. I found his shattered phone this morning, and the broken glass in the living room. Some wore their pain on their sleeves, while others, like Dylan, hid it so well that you had a hard time believing that it was real.
I didn’t want to believe him, but the earnest way with which he said all those things made me rethink everything I thought I knew. But I wished it was only Dylan who confused me.
I texted Ash this morning, hoping to hear something, anything really, but the only thing I got was radio silence and nothing more. He just walked away from me yesterday, refusing to even look at me.
He just walked away while I sat there, bleeding all over the floor. He just took, and took and took, and I wasn’t sure how much more I would be able to give. He took my body, my heart, my soul, now he had my secrets, my fear, and my pain… What else could I give him?
Your trust?
No. He had to deserve it. He had to earn my trust, because of the things he did… No, I didn’t even want to think about it again.
I gripped the straps of my bag tighter and ignored all the stares from the younger students. I wished I was in their place again, where the worst thing that could happen to me would be a chemistry quiz. I wished I was that kid again, who didn’t know pain or anger.
I wished we were all here together, without secrets, without anguish lining our bloodstream.
Pushing the door open, I stepped inside and almost immediately lost my footing.
“Jesus fucking—”
I could already see myself on the floor; on my knees, but that never happened.
Somebody gripped my upper arms and held me up almost effortlessly.
