Page 95 of Equilibrium
I pulled myself up and swiped the tears that spilled over my cheeks. They didn’t deserve my tears. These men, they didn’t deserve anything. My loyalty, my trust, my pain and my love, they deserved none of it. So I would pull myself together again. I would put all of this behind me and forget their names.
Forget their faces and their fake promises.
I would survive this. This thunderstorm of my life wasn’t stronger than me. Storm wasn’t going to destroy me or the little sanity I was clinging to.
I wouldn’t allow it.
Come on, Ophelia. Step by step. Get out of here.
And I did. I took a step forward, and another, and another, until I reached the staircase. One moment at a time. I was going to survive this avalanche.
None of the guys were there in the billiard room when I finally reached the first floor, and I was thankful for the silence that greeted me. I didn’t want to see any of them.
Did they know? Did Zoe know? Were they all just laughing behind my back? The Great Ophelia Aster on her knees in front of a man that was only using her.
I was embarrassed and I was angry.
I unknowingly played their game of deceit, as if I was a puppet. I didn’t play games. I made them. I was the assassin of the Syndicate. I was the force to be reckoned with, and I succumbed to my desires this time. I lost track of what was important and what was in front of my eyes.
Storm didn’t want me. He just wanted what was attached to me. My last name, my connections... He didn’t fucking want me and my darkness, and that thought sent another wave of searing pain through my body. God, I was going to be sick again.
They say that heartbreak is only a mental thing, but then why did it feel as if my whole body was crashing down? Why did it feel like my heart squeezed painfully with each thought of him?
I was going to make him pay for this. But patience. I needed time to gather my thoughts, to make a plan. I had to prioritize things that were more important right now then my need to rip his heart out and feed it to the dogs.
Trust was the most important thing to me. Trust was more important than love and family together. And he lost it.
When Creed mentioned those two names, those two demons, I knew. I fucking knew they just wanted to use me for who I was. He didn’t give a fuck about what was going on behind the closed doors of my mind. He should get an Oscar for his performance.
This was just more proof that nobody could ever want a monster. They would always just be afraid of me, or they’d want to sell me to the highest bidder. That was all there was.
Use me, abuse me, play their little games with me. And I was done.
I was fucking done trying to fit into their worlds. Done trying to play by their rules.
Zoe stood next to the bar, talking to Nova. My God, how foolish I was. Storm must have sent Zoe to try and befriend me, to try and make me fall further for the lie they were concocting. Well, their little plan backfired, because I couldn’t wait to see how much they would bleed.
How much they would beg for mercy, while I’d have none.
She turned around, seeing me behind her, and smiled. Another fake thing. Those fucking smiles were as fake as a pair of Balenciaga shoes at the local Walmart. I had to admit, they almost got me. I almost crumbled down and opened up to her.
I almost believed her because she reminded me of Ava. Her lightness, her easy-going personality, she almost got to me. But Storm knew all about my history. He knew about the shit I went through, and what a better way to fuck with somebody’s mind but to give them the thing they wanted the most.
Or well, one of the things.
A friend.
Someone to talk to. Someone who didn’t want to see you dead.
“Ophelia?” Even her voice grated on my nerves now, the urge to strangle her here and now overtaking my whole body. I closed my right hand into a fist, pain skyrocketing through my body as my nails bit into the skin.
If I didn’t, I would kill her. I would bash her head on the table in front of me and I wouldn’t even blink an eye.
But I had to pretend everything was okay. If I didn’t, if they figured out that something was wrong, I would end up locked down and unable to escape. My foolishness got the best of me, and I thought that just because Creed lost Ava, just because we both failed her, he would understand my need to find Maya and to find a place where I could belong. Stupidity at its best.
What was that thing my father taught me? Never trust them. The only person you have is you. Even a friend could become a foe, and these people, they definitely weren’t my friends.
“Are you okay?” She took a few steps, coming closer to me. Didn’t she know not to come close to a wounded animal? Didn’t she know that tigers attacked even when they showed submission? “You look a little bit pale.”
