Page 77 of Equilibrium
No matter how much he loved me, or at least he thought he did, he could never really accept this part of me. The part my father awoke, trained, and sent out into the world. Maybe that’s why we could never really work out. Maybe that’s why he cheated, why he decided to hurt me through the person I cared about. The two of us were villains created by a set of circumstances our families threw our way.
Two people, lost in the world and we clung to each other because that was all we ever knew. We thought our destinies were written before we could even talk, but I knew now that we could change them. We didn’t have to live by the set of rules our families made for us. We didn’t have to follow everything they did just to get their approval.
Somewhere between running away from Croyford Bay, working with the Albanians, stabbing Kieran and being here with Storm, I realized that I was nothing but a brainwashed puppet, too scared to live how I wanted to truly live. The more I thought about it, the more I resented my father and my mother.
The more time I spent in the company of people that truly loved each other, the angrier I became. For so long, I thought love was measured in the things we did for other people, yet I couldn’t be further from the truth. Actions mattered, but every relationship had two people, not only one, and throughout my entire life I was always the only one willing to bend, willing to do things for the people I cared about.
I tried changing myself, tried being softer, being less volatile, but it wasn’t enough because the other side never did the same for me. I tried saving them, tried loving them, even when I hated them, but they would never even lift a finger to help me.
It came to me now that even if I wanted to go back to my father and try to amend the things while I still had time, seeing how Storm behaved with his people, how fathers and mothers in the club acted around their children, made me rethink the whole situation. My father didn’t love me. I didn’t think that Nikolai Aster knew what love was.
He only wanted me because I was one of the investments he had, just like all those companies, houses, and apartments. The only connection we had was by blood, both the one that coursed through our veins and the one we spilled. He was more of a stranger to me than Atlas was, and that was saying something, considering the amount of time we spent together versus the amount of time I spent with Atlas.
This could be my family.
These guys that crowded us as we stopped in front of the door, protecting Storm and me from each side. These guys that accepted me.
My family was Storm. He was my home, my beginning, and my ending, and I was going to fight for this. I was going to fight myself and everyone who stood in my path, because I wanted this. For the first time in forever, I didn’t feel like I wanted to run away. For the first time, I wanted to experience life to its fullest.
To wake up next to my person, to talk to the people that wanted to hear about my day. I didn’t want to carry this weight all by myself, and Storm obviously wanted to share it.
“I will enter first,” Storm started, and before I could protest, he silenced me with his next words. “And I will leave the door open. I want you to wait, Ophelia.” He looked at me pointedly as if he knew I wasn’t one to follow the rules. “I need to talk to him first, because he definitely won’t want to talk to you.”
I loved breaking them, not making them.
“Ophelia?” he repeated when I didn’t answer.
“Fine,” I huffed after a minute of silence. “But his death is mine, Storm. I don’t give a shit about anything else. I want to be the one to kill him.”
The overhead lights illuminated his face with shadows dancing in the areas it couldn’t reach, and with one small nod, one small acknowledgment to my demand, he opened the door and disappeared inside the room.
The familiar, annoying voice traveled to us, greeting Storm and fueling my rage. I was going to enjoy this.
Their hushed voices were too hard to hear, even with the door still open, and before Atlas, Indigo, or any of the other guys could stop me, I stepped inside, coming face-to-face with Sam and an annoyed looking Storm.
Fuck it, I was always bad at following directions.
Sam’s face quickly lost all its color, resembling the pale white wall behind his back. A square metal table stood in the middle of the room with four chairs around it, but there was nothing else. The color of the floor tiles was darkened in places where the blood couldn’t be washed away.
There were no weapons of any kind on the walls, there were no wardrobes, other tables nor chairs and I knew that this was the place where once you walked in, you never walked out.
“Hello, darling,” I cooed, ignoring Storm who didn’t seem happy to see me here. I was impatient, fucking sue me. “Remember me?”
I slowly walked toward the table, stopping behind Storm who was seated on the chair, and placed my hands on his shoulders staring at the fidgeting Sam on the other side. The sweat collected on his temples, his lower lip trembled, and I fed off the fear rolling around us in waves.
“Gir.. Girly?” Fuckface asked, his voice shaking. I wanted to punch him in the face for that idiotic name. “What are you doing here?”
“Well, wouldn’t you know, Sammy. Storm actually wanted to see me. As a matter of fact, he wanted to see me badly, yet he had no idea I was here all those years ago. Why is that? Hmm?”
“I-I didn’t.” He looked between the two of us. “I didn’t know.”
“You didn’t know that I looked for her, turning heaven and earth just to find her?” Storm thundered. “Don’t fucking play those games with me, Sam. You knew better. Every single one of you knew that I looked for her, yet you didn’t tell me when she came to the club.”
“Prez, you have to believe me.” He started shaking. “I didn’t... They didn’t tell me. They told me she was dangerous. They told me she would betray you.”
“They? Who are they?” Storm gripped the edge of the table, his knuckles whitening from the force he was holding it with.
“I don’t know!” Sam cried. “But please... Please, Prez. I didn’t know she was yours.”
