Page 24 of Equilibrium
Atlas mentioned that it wasn’t safe for me out there, and it bugged me that I didn’t know what exactly he meant by that. I knew there were people that wanted to see me dead, but something in the way he spoke about it made me rethink everything I ever knew.
Was there something going on out there I wasn’t aware of?
“Just give him some time,” she advised. “He’s been looking for you all these years. He never gave up, and at one point, I honestly thought he was going to go crazy.”
I hated the fluttering in my chest, but I also loved hearing this.
I was always self-sufficient, never needing anybody else. Even after the disaster with Kieran, I managed to survive it. Maybe it was the tragedy that struck shortly after, but I survived. I just had a feeling that I wouldn’t survive Storm.
How could I when my whole body sang when he was near me?
“I was supposed to meet him,” I whispered. “But I was detained.”
It was hard talking about the time I would rather forget, but something about her made me want to open up and talk about things. I’m sure that there was a therapist somewhere nodding his head.
I always knew that there was something profoundly wrong with me, I just never had time to really think about it. Maybe if I managed to get out of this life one day, I would even pay a visit to one of them. Not that I could tell them about the techniques they taught me about back in Siberia, or the slaughter I inflicted upon that family in Belgrade, but I could mask it up.
“I’m sorry, Ophelia.” She surprised me with her words. “I’m sorry about everything that has happened to you.”
“You don’t even know—”
“No, I don’t know about everything, but I know enough. I know that you had been thrown into this world of violence when you were still just a child.”
“I was seventeen,” I gritted out.
“As I said,” she smiled, “you were still just a child. I can’t even imagine the horrors you witnessed, or the ones you did. But something tells me that you aren’t as bad as you think you are.”
“I-I.” I had no words.
“Broken things can get fixed, darling. Just remember that.”
Broken.
Was that how I saw myself? Was I really broken?
I liked to think that I was strong, powerful, but sitting here with her, and finally talking made me realize that there was more to me than just the assassin side. Maybe after I get Maya out, I would be able to finally live in peace, if such a thing really existed.
“Thank you,” I croaked. “I don’t even know you, but you made me feel better.”
“Oh, boo. You’re welcome. I think you deserve to have a friend, and I would like to volunteer.”
Did I need another friend? What if I failed her as well?
Shadows followed me everywhere I went, and I didn’t want to taint her with the darkness seeping from my soul.
“And before you try to give me some bullshit excuse about violence, or some sappy story about you being a threat to me, I am going to stop you.” Was she reading my mind? “I grew up surrounded by it. Just because I didn’t follow in the same footsteps you did, doesn’t mean that I can’t hold my own. I can fight. I can defend myself, and whatever you’re thinking right there, you need to stop. I’m a big girl that can take care of herself.”
Well then.
“I have a bad track record of keeping the people around me alive.” And I did.
How many people I cared about had already died? First Ava, then the guys I befriended while I was staying with the Albanians. I killed Kieran, Maya was God knows where, and the last thing I wanted was to throw Zoe under the bus just because she hung around me.
“I don’t wanna hear it, Phee. We are going to be friends, and that’s final.”
“For such a small thing, you sure are scary.”
The angry scowl on her face only made me laugh, even though I was pretty sure that she expected quite the opposite. I had no doubt that she could fight. If her brother was one of the Sons of Hades, he probably made sure that she would be able to defend herself. It still didn’t sit well with me, but I was going to try.
