Page 126 of Equilibrium
“Then what?” I yelled at him. “Should I just leave her wherever she is to rot and die?”
“No, you shouldn’t, but you won’t be the one going. I will.”
“What?” Did he just say what I think he said?
“I need to fix what I’ve done. Let me do this, please.”
Could I let him? Should I? Storm was already looking for Maya, and sending Kieran might be completely futile. But as he held my hands, as he pleaded with me, I realized that maybe this would be his road to redemption. I couldn’t forgive him for what he had done to her, but he needed to apologize to her.
“Okay.” I nodded.
The smile that took over his face was once upon a time a smile that could melt my world. Now, it just brought me a small sense of satisfaction and the notion that when all of this was over, we could put the past where it belonged—in the past.
Unfortunately, as soon as that smile came it disappeared just as fast. “Listen to me. You are not safe on the streets. My father has eyes everywhere, especially in Las Vegas. I need you to go back to Storm and stay there. I will get Maya back, but you have to stay safe.”
“No! Hell no. I am not going to hide.”
“Dammit, Ophelia. Just stop being reckless for once in your life and listen to me. They will kill you on the spot. There are orders, other assassins that will try to hunt you and kill you. I need you to be safe, okay?”
“Kieran—”
“No, promise me. Please.”
The last time I saw fear in his eyes was when I caught him with Cynthia because he knew that I wouldn’t be able to forgive that. Now I could see it again, only this time it was ten times worse. He really thought that I was in danger. I was terrified of facing Storm, but if I didn’t want to run anymore, I had to go back. I had to face him and admit to everything I had done.
I had to talk to him about all of this, all these secrets.
“Okay. I promise.” If I had to, I would grovel and beg for him to take me back.
“Good.” Kieran kissed my forehead, and for the first time in years, I felt relieved.
“I did love you, you know?” I looked at him, moving my head back. “I thought that you were the one, but that wasn’t the truth, was it?”
He smiled at me. “No, it wasn’t. I think I will always love you, though. I think that even after years have passed, you will always have a special place in my heart. Everything we went through. Every single tear, every drop of blood, it wasn’t for nothing. We were just kids, you know? We thought we could have it all, but we lost ourselves.”
“Yeah, I know. Somewhere between all the pain and sorrow, we lost the love we had.”
“I really am sorry for everything I did.”
“I know, K. I know because I am sorry too. I don’t know where life will take us, but I do hope that you find your happiness.”
“My happiness is sitting in front of me right now.”
“Kieran—”
“No, listen. I know that what we had would never be the same again. I know that look in your eyes. You were thinking about him, weren’t you?”
I couldn’t lie to him. “Yes.” I moved the hair that fell on his forehead. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but he understands me better than you did. And that isn’t a bad thing, you know? You and I were too young to understand everything that was going on, and I think that if we grew up differently, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I keep thinking that if there is a parallel universe, you and I are happy there. Together.” I squeezed his hand.
“Yeah, maybe.” There was sadness etched into the planes of his face. The sadness I knew wouldn’t go away that easily, but this had to be done.
“I want to kiss you. Just one last time. I want to feel your lips against mine and then I will let you go.”
“Kieran—”
“Please. Just give me this. I don’t want anything else, but just this.”
Yet I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let him get that last kiss, because it would be just another nail in the coffin, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I kissed him now.
