Page 11 of Equilibrium
“Why, are they going to try to kill me? Because let me tell you something, I can hold my own even against a bunch of bikers.”
“I know you can. I saw you fight, and some of these guys here did too.”
Now that he mentioned it, I remember seeing the two guys standing next to the door back in the church.
“What I’m trying to say,” he leaned back in the chair, “is that they’ll try to snatch you away from Storm.”
“I don’t belong to Storm.” That almost came out as a growl. “Why do you men always have this uncanny need to look at us like objects?”
“Hey.” He grimaced. “I didn’t mean it in that way.”
“Well whichever way you meant it, I am not here to be snatched, or fought over. As a matter of fact, I don’t even wanna be here.”
“Retract your claws, panther. You’re here because Storm wants you to be here, and you will stay here, because out there,” he looked toward the windows, “it just isn’t safe for you.”
I started laughing because he seemed genuinely concerned about me. Didn’t he know that for the last six years, no place was safe for me? I wasn’t even safe from myself.
“I see it now.”
“You see what?” He turned to me with his eyebrows drawn together. “Ophelia?”
“You’re a mother hen. I can already see you mothering the other guys. Big, bad enforcer is a mother hen.” I almost fell off my chair as the next bout of laughter ran through my body.
“You’re such an idiot. You know that?” He looked serious, but I could see his lips slowly pulling up into a smile.
When I looked around, I noticed everybody staring at us. The thing about peace, at least for me, is that it never lasts long enough. There’s always something, someone, that triggers the parts of me that threatened to ruin me completely.
My eyes zeroed in on a guy in the far end of the room, with midnight black hair and eyes of the same color. It felt like seeing a ghost, and even though I knew it wasn’t him, my mind refused to cooperate.
And there I go again.
Pain in my chest. As if on instinct, I raised my hand, clutching the shirt at my chest. Now’s not the time for a panic attack, Ophelia. Now’s definitely not the time.
Breathe in, breathe the fuck out, and let it go. Just let it go. Shove it down.
Inhale and exhale. Open that fucked-up little box you have stored in your mind and shove it there. Kieran, emotions, forget it.
In and out.
The buzzing in my ears quieted down, and when I saw Atlas kneeling in front of me, I realized I must have dropped to the floor at some point. His lips were moving, but I couldn’t hear a word he said.
And I didn’t see him. It wasn’t the blue eyes staring at me. I saw him.
I saw the pain in the dark eyes, just before I stabbed him. The moment when he realized I wasn’t going to forgive him. When he realized that I knew.
I knew everything.
“Why did you kill me, birdy?”
No, no, no.
Kieran was in front of me. His eyes haunted, his face bloodied. The stab wound on his chest, blood seeping down his torso.
“I thought you loved me.”
He looked sad. He was so sad, and I did it. I pushed us to the darkness. This was all my fault, all my fucking fault. He reached for me, the blood on his hands crimson red.
I looked down at mine and it was the same.
