Page 104 of Equilibrium
Yeah, that’s what I had to do. Shut it all down.
Numb it.
Those devilish eyes had to become a memory, just another thing I wanted to have but couldn’t. You wanna know why? Because I was who I was. I was a murderer, a cold and emotionless assassin. The only place left for me in this world was six feet under.
Love and all this bullshit that I tried making myself believe in had to vanish from my life. I wasn’t born for happiness.
Tying the sleeves of the oversized hoodie around my waist, I took one last look around the room, carving it all into my memory—the bed he fucked me in, where he held me, where he whispered sweet nothings, that wall right next to the door where he broke my resolve and took me...
I went willingly, I knew what I was doing.
The pressure in my chest increased, my heart beating rapidly against my ribcage.
This was it. This was where I said goodbye.
Come on, Ophelia. Just part with it. Remember the lies and get out of here.
But my legs wouldn’t move. I was gripping the shirt at my chest—Storm’s shirt. The white skull painted on it seemed to be mocking me, reminding me of what I represented.
Death and despair.
There was no life in me, there was no light. Wherever I went, darkness followed. Everything I’ve touched had turned to dust or had become a thing that hurt me the most.
Lies.
Betrayal.
False promises.
Those were the things I was surrounded with. I just couldn’t understand why my soul decided to trust him. I just couldn’t comprehend why in the ever-loving hell could I ever lower down my guard. I almost begged him to stay last night.
I didn’t want him to leave.
His hands around me felt like paradise. As if somebody gave me a small piece of Heaven, and I wanted to cherish it. I wanted to hold on to it forever, but I was wrong.
No matter what, I was born to walk through this life alone and it was probably for the best. Goddammit, I had to warn them about Nikolai. No matter what, I couldn’t leave them blindsided about it. He probably wouldn’t do anything once I was gone from here, but they should know.
I lifted the mattress up and pulled the letter daddy dearest left for me. There was a notepad on the nightstand, and I grabbed it along with the pen, and started writing on it.
My father has spies in the club. You need to be careful.
O.
I placed it on top of the bare mattress with the letter he sent me, as well as the phone Storm got for me.
Right, now move your fucking ass out of here.
One leg in front of the other, I slowly crossed the length of the room, all the way to the door.
Deep breaths, Ophelia. Just take it slow.
This pain wouldn’t last forever.
It couldn’t. I knew that it couldn’t, but it didn’t feel that way.
As I opened the door, my bravado, my pep talk, my strength and anger all were replaced with a sudden wave of sadness. The heaviness in my chest, my heart was collapsing, and even though I knew there was nothing wrong with me, at least not medically, I knew that after this ordeal was done, I would have to lick my wounds in private.
I would disappear. Go somewhere where no one knew who I was.
