Page 89 of Equilibrium
I did, and I was letting go.
I left the pieces of myself in places I could never visit again. I left them with people that didn’t deserve it, and I could never get them back. But I was going to try.
I was going to pull myself together and stitch those broken pieces. The human body was a remarkable thing, and if anyone could put themselves back together, I could. All of us carried scars that reminded us of difficult times, but we survived, we were still here, and that’s what mattered. I survived, and these scars weren’t going to define me.
Pain was a familiar thing, but I didn’t want it to be the only thing I ever knew. I had to stop making myself believe I was the worst monster on the planet. I had to let it go if I wanted to live and make all those lives that were lost count. Ava wouldn’t want me to live like this. She wouldn’t want me to live my life filled with regrets. If she were here, she would probably kick my ass for all those pity parties I was throwing for myself.
I turned my head toward Storm’s pillow, calming myself with his familiar scent. I had to find Creed and let him know about the letter my father sent me. They had to know that the mole was closer than we thought at first, and whoever placed that letter in our room had direct access to all of us. Which also meant that all the things we talked about could’ve been sent to my father, and we didn’t even know.
I shoved the worry I had for Storm and whatever they were doing today aside and stood up, stretching my legs and back. My thigh was sore from the cuts, but it was a good kind of pain. A reminder that I wasn’t alone. Lifting my phone from the nightstand I realized it was later than I expected. The clock showed 12:15 in the afternoon, which meant that I didn’t have a lot of time and we had to act fast. I just hoped Storm would be back in the evening and I would be able to come up with some sort of plan with Creed.
He was a freaking enforcer, he had to know the inner workings of the club and what could be done in these situations. I dropped the phone on the bed and walked toward the wardrobe, taking out one of Storm’s shirts and putting it on. The fact that his shirts almost reached my knees always made me laugh, especially since I wasn’t the smallest girl. I loved that it still smelled like him, that I could somehow feel him with me.
I pulled on a pair of shorts, not bothering with underwear and ran out of the door. The hallways were empty and as soon as I got to the lounge, I spotted Zoe talking with Nova who was behind the bar. Creed was nowhere to be seen, but if anyone knew where I could find him, it would be Zoe.
“Hey,” she said as soon as she spotted me. “You slept in?”
“Apparently I did.” I smiled, trying to scan the billiard room for any sign of Creed, but he wasn’t there. “Have you seen Creed?” I asked her, meeting her eyes. “I just need to ask him something.”
She scanned my clothes with a knowing smirk, and I knew I would have to tell her about the previous night.
“Zozo,” I started again. “Have you seen him or not? It’s kinda important.”
“I think he’s in the office. You want me to call him for you?”
“Nope. Could you just point me in the direction of the office?”
“Maybe I can help you with something. Is it about Storm?”
My head swiveled back at her and the realization hit me. She probably had more information about this run they went on. If her brother went with Storm, she must have.
“Maybe.” I answered. “Do you know where they are right now?”
Were they even alive? I didn’t want to call him, not until we got everything ready. I didn’t want him to worry about this as well.
“No, not really.” She eyed me warily. “But I do know that they only went to Las Vegas. Something about some bird.” Shit. “With an N. What was that thing I heard Indigo saying?” She stopped for a moment. “Ah yes, Nightingale. I have no idea why he was mentioning a bird, but, might be some club or something.”
It wasn’t a fucking club.
It was their death.
What the fuck were you doing Storm? And which Nightingale were you meeting with?
Fuck, fuckity fuck.
See, this was why I hated secrets. He should’ve told me what was going on. Now I would just spend the whole day worrying about them. I was terrified for him because I knew how much Logan hated all MCs. Storm had kidnapped his wife, had helped me, and God knew what else... I had no idea what Logan’s reaction was going to be.
“Are you okay?” she asked, and I realized I’d been mumbling out loud. Dammit, Storm. Today really wasn’t a good day to add worrying about you onto the pile of shit I had to deal with.
“Yeah, yeah.” I shook my head. “Amazing.” I smiled at her, and she took a step back as if she saw a ghost.
“Holy shit. You just smiled. Wait.” She took her phone out of the pocket. “Could you do it again, because I wanna take a picture.”
“Oh fuck off, Zoe.” I pushed the phone away. “Can you show me where to find Creed or not?”
“Fine,” she huffed. “If you go through that door,” she pointed at the door leading outside of the billiard room, “you will see stairs, leading to the basement—”
“Yeah, I’d been there the other day.”
