Page 84 of Equilibrium
He found me and now no one here was safe. I had to warn them, I had to get them ready for the misery he could bring with him, trying to get to me. Oh my God, Zoe. I had to warn Zoe. I had to tell her to run as far away from here as possible.
Get to one of the other chapters, get somewhere safe. And all those children... tears gathered in my eyes, threatening to roll down my cheeks, but I couldn’t cry. I had to fucking warn them. Put those big girl panties on and do what was right.
But just as I started getting up, moving the strands of hair that fell out of my ponytail, I started heaving again. Gripping the toilet seat with one hand, I clutched my stomach with the other, letting the contents roll over my tongue, joining the rest of it inside the toilet. I flushed once, then twice, then three times, even though nothing but small spurts of water rolled inside.
Small, black dots danced around the periphery of my vision, my whole body weak from the vomiting. Fucking hell, just thinking about it makes me want to puke again.
I moved myself from kneeling in front of the toilet, to my butt, and pulled myself toward the open door to lean on it. Loose strands of hair were plastered against my sweaty skin, my mouth tasted like fucking garbage, but I was suddenly too tired to try and pull myself to the sink. I was too tired to do anything. I was terrified.
And I wasn’t terrified for me. This fear making my heart jump inside my chest wasn’t because I feared for my life. I feared for the lives of all these people that were in my close vicinity. Nikolai Aster was as ruthless as he was cunning. He wouldn’t stop until he got what he wanted, and this envelope in my hand was proof that he was going to come for me. He was going to destroy the world to get his prized possession back.
That’s what I had always been, just another object.
I slowly tore it open and pulled out a folded black piece of paper that matched the color of the envelope. Motherfucker.
Glad that Storm wasn’t here with me to see this, I unfolded the paper, bracing myself for what was written inside. The first thing I saw was the emblem of my family—a dragon with its wings wide open and blood-red eyes inside the circle of Cyrillic letters my father engraved into my mind.
Family.
Honor.
Respect.
Eternity.
The fucking Aster legacy. Our family tree went as far as the first rulers of Russia, its history painted with the blood of every single person that ever dared to stand up and speak against us. I should be proud of them, but I wasn’t. I fucking hated everything we stood for. Every single life we took just so that we could continue spreading our empire, building our legacy.
“Dorogoy.” The first word on the letter shook me to my core.
It’s time to come home. You’ve had your fun, playing house, and making them trust you, but it is time to come back and continue your work as part of the Syndicate. You have one day to come to me, and I’ll know if you tell them about this letter.
You don’t want them to suffer because you were an insolent child, right?
Nikolai Dimitri Aster
No, I didn’t want to go there. This was my home; these were my people. I didn’t want to be a part of the Syndicate anymore. I wanted to be free. The motherfucker signed it as if it was some kind of an official letter, and not a threat. As if he wasn’t trying to destroy my life—again.
One part of me wanted to hide, to run, to get as far away as possible, but I couldn’t do that. Not anymore. I had people I cared about. I had a place I wanted to grow old in. I couldn’t let him destroy that because he behaved like a spoiled brat who couldn’t let go. No, I wasn’t going to sit and let him shatter my world into pieces. This time, I was going to fight him.
But I couldn’t tell Storm, not yet. I had to come up with a plan first, and I knew who could help me. Creed worked with my father almost as much as I did, and if anyone would know what to do in this situation, it would be him. He could help me. I knew he could.
I crumbled the fucking letter in my hand, willing it to disappear altogether. Pulling myself up, my legs were shaky, my hands clammy, but I took a step to the sink and started washing my face, then rinsing my mouth with mouthwash, hoping it would remove all traces of what had happened mere minutes ago.
My father’s claws were slowly coming closer, but this time he wouldn’t be the one winning the war. No, this time I was going to use everything he ever taught me, and I was going to fuck him up for everything they did to me.
With a fuzzy head and an exhausted body, I knew I wasn’t going to accomplish anything if I went to search for Creed tonight. I could also end up running into Storm and I didn’t want to look him in the eye and lie about this. There were way too many lies in my life already, and he was one person I didn’t want to lie to.
I closed the bathroom door behind me and walked toward the bed, ready to close my eyes and let myself fall into oblivion. I lifted the mattress, shoving the letter with the envelope as far as it would go, letting it drop down with a thud. Storm wouldn’t look beneath the mattress and after I talked to Creed tomorrow, I would talk to him as well. No matter how angry I was, no matter how many issues we had that we needed to work through, this went above and beyond just the two of us. Nikolai Aster was a force to be reckoned with and we needed to protect our people.
Shimmying out of the leggings I wore during the day, I sat on the bed and pulled the covers closer, lifting my legs on the bed. My stomach still recoiled as I thought about what my father could do, and I gulped down the acidic taste that started rising in my mouth.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow I was going to deal with this shit. For now, I just wanted to sleep. Just to let it all go.
I’ve been sittingon the edge of the bed, unable to move away from her sleeping form.
She was furious yesterday, and I knew I hurt her when that was the last thing I wanted to do. But I didn’t know how to even broach the subject, to start talking to her about what was bothering me. I didn’t want to lose her when the truth came out, and I didn’t mean just that whole deal with Logan Nightingale, I meant everything. Who I was, what happened, it was going to break her, and I didn’t want to see that light vanish from her eyes.
