Page 55 of Equilibrium
I knew we couldn’t, but all rational thoughts left my body when his lips connected with mine. I never put too much thought into kissing, because it was just a means to an end. Just another choreographed part I knew how to play. But Storm kissing me was like nothing I ever felt before. My blood turned into molten lava every single time, and I remembered that first time his lips captured mine, on top of that cliff, warming me from the inside out regardless of the freezing weather at the time.
Strands of dark hair fell over his forehead, and for a moment there, I lost myself in the forest green eyes that reminded me of summers and meadows covered with dandelions. This feeling terrified me, but it had been so long since the last time I felt even close to this, I wanted to cling to it. Savor it, trap it, because having this meant I was still alive.
I could still feel something other than the perpetual anger and the need for destruction.
“Come on.” He grabbed my hand and led me toward the bike, straddling it before he turned and looked at me. “Hop on.”
I was dazed, dizzy with lust and need, and a thousand other emotions I couldn’t name. I was unraveling and it was all his doing. I wasn’t Ophelia the Assassin anymore, well, I wasn’t just her. Everything I kept inside bubbled to the surface, and I was terrified it would destroy my world.
You don’t need emotions, moy malen’kiy drakon.Papa’s words echoed in my head. He always called me his little dragon, and if I was smarter, I would’ve plunged my knife through his throat a long time ago. He was the one who pushed me to be this robot, and I thought it was fine. I thought this was how the world was supposed to run, how I was supposed to live.
But I was wrong, and maybe, just maybe, I could finally see how things were supposed to work.
The momentwe came back to the club, half empty with most of the members still at the beach, Ophelia ran inside, never even sparing a glance my way. I would be lying if I said that it didn’t hurt, but I let her be.
I saw the hardening of her eyes when I sputtered those fucking words, and as soon as they left my mouth, I knew I fucked up. I treated her like a piece of ass when she was my equal. Women in this industry were always regarded as pawns when they should’ve been regarded as queens. I saw it one too many times, where men thought they knew better just because we possessed physical strength.
And I behaved like I was one of those mongrels that wouldn’t share what was happening just because she was a woman.
Since I fucked up three days ago with her basically running away from me, it had been radio silence. She wouldn’t look at me, she wouldn’t speak to me, she moved to another room with Atlas’s help—who for the first time in our lives was pissed at me—and she wouldn’t let me touch her. I knocked on her door a million times by now, but I was always greeted with silence. I was getting angrier and angrier at this whole situation.
A stupid situation if you ask me. Before we left the pier, I thought things had become better. It wasn’t an apology, not really, but I tried showing her what she meant to me, rather than telling her. She wouldn’t believe me even if I tried explaining how my chest aches every time she wasn’t near. And for the last three days, my chest hurt as if someone has shot me with a gun, leaving the bullet inside.
I rubbed at the spot absentmindedly, as our Inner Circle gathered around me, waiting for the meeting to start. I could feel Indigo’s eyes on me, but I kept staring at the paper in my hands and the letter addressed to me. I knew the handwriting; I could recognize it anywhere.
How many times did he send me a letter when I was just a kid, trapped inside that hell, calling me hismalen’kaya igrushka, his little toy? The urge to vomit was right there, and I knew that my usually olive complexion had turned as pale as the wall behind me. Even after all these years, I couldn’t run away from everything they did to me. My body didn’t belong to them anymore, but it was as if my soul refused to believe that we were finally free.
It had been eighteen years since I managed to escape The Mansion, but the memories stayed no matter how hard I tried to get rid of them. Women, drugs, alcohol, violence, nothing worked. The only thing that did work was revenge, which seemed to grow inch by inch with every passing day. And I held onto it because there was nothing else grounding me or keeping me here.
But now she was here, and the wrath and pain I held onto suddenly wasn’t the only thing keeping me going.
“Storm?”
I lifted my head, seeing Felix’s worried face on the opposite side of the table. If I didn’t know, I would’ve never guessed that he and Atlas shared the same parents. Where Atlas was blond, all smiles and pale skin, Felix was dark, brooding, quiet. Hell, he could pass as Indigo’s brother rather than Atlas’s.
This meeting today was something I’ve been avoiding for days, but I couldn’t hide the truth from them any longer. Indigo, Atlas, Felix, and Hunter were my most trusted men. The four guys that accepted the scrawny little kid that was brought here by our previous prez. They took one look at me and decided that I was worthy of their company.
Which is why I hated the worried looks on their faces and the silence surrounding us. They knew me better than anyone else, and I hated hiding things from them, even if it was for their benefit. We were more than friends, more than members of a motorcycle club—we were a family.
And you don’t keep secrets from your family.
I straightened up in my chair as they sat down, waiting for me to speak. I didn’t know what to say other than, I fucked up. I didn’t even know where to begin, because no matter what I said, somebody was going to get hurt. This was like a game of Russian Roulette, but there would be no winners.
The letter crumbled in my fist, burning the skin, urging me to open it now. But it would have to wait until after this meeting, because whatever was inside, I wasn’t going to like it. I could feel evil seeping through the paper already. Even now, I could feel the stench of his alcohol-induced breath, and those roaming hands.
“Storm!” I jumped in my chair when Indigo yelled out my name. My body was here, but my mind was a thousand miles away. His dark eyes drilled into mine, impatience written all over his face. “Are we going to start this today? What the fuck has gotten into you?”
“Nothing,” I mumbled, shoving the letter into the front pocket of my pants. I took a deep breath before I started talking again. “I fucked up.”
The collective inhale at my declaration was enough to make me even more nervous than I was before.
“No, scratch that.” I pushed the chair back and stood up and started pacing from one side to another. “I made such a fucking mess, and none of you knew about it. Except for Atlas.”
Three sets of eyes turned to fidgeting Atlas. He told me a million times not to do this. He warned me that Las Vegas wasn’t worth it and that we would find another way to get revenge. But I didn’t listen.
God, my stubborn ass didn’t listen at all, even though he begged me not to sell my soul to the devil.
“What is he talking about?” Indigo asked him, before looking back at me. “What are you talking about?”
