Page 38 of Equilibrium
Children running along the shoreline. Bikers that were no longer in active service, looking over youngsters and everything they were doing. Young couples kissing, hugging; music playing and the rumble of our motorcycles. I wanted her to get accustomed to this because I could see her here.
She thought she was darkness, but she was light. She was sunshine. I know what I saw four years ago. It was an unhinged passion, the kind that could swallow you whole or lift you up, and I wanted to get lost in her world. She had issues, I would’ve been a fool not to see them, but she also had so much light.
But now, it was as if they extinguished that life that made her who she was. I wished I could reverse time and bring her with me on that same day. I didn’t know that the life would fuck all of her plans, rip away everything she ever dreamed of. That kind of heartache, that pain, it never goes away easily. It turns you into a person you never wanted to be, and before you know it, you start shielding yourself from the people in your life, because you’re too scared to get hurt again.
She was scared, even though she didn’t want to be.
There are different kinds of fear we go through, but this one, the fear of getting attached to someone because you’re terrified of losing them is the one that paralyzes your whole body and mind, stopping you from living the life you could have. Even though she was no longer wearing the shackles her father put on her, she was living inside her head. She was putting herself into a virtual prison, where everybody else came before her.
How could anyone think that this girl felt nothing at all?
How could they fail her this much? I was more than curious about what had happened between her and Kieran. There was something she wasn’t telling me, apart from the whole fiasco about Ava’s death. I felt for her, but I didn’t know Ava enough to grieve the life that was taken too early.
She pressed the palms of her hands to her eyes, groaning out loud, and no doubt contemplating all the ways to murder me and get away from here.
“Storm—”
“Yes?” I wasn’t going to give her what she wanted, no matter how much she begged. She thought she could handle everything by herself, but there were people out there that wanted her dead. They wanted her gone, and I’d be damned if I allowed them to put a finger on her pretty head.
She finally opened her eyes, gazing at me with a remorseful expression. “You need to let me go.”
“Never.”
“Fucking hell,” she cursed and started walking back and forth, throwing cautionary glances my way. “Why are you so fucking difficult?”
“Pot meet kettle.”
“I don’t wanna be here!” she yelled. “I don’t wanna be surrounded by everything I never had, Storm. I-I just…” she trailed off.
“You just what?”
She kept quiet for a moment, her eyes down turned, staring at her boots. It was funny how you could only really see the person once they were cracking, once their masks were getting thrown to the ground, and everything they were trying to hide was finally coming to the surface. The hell I went through taught me that the best way to survive in this world, is to create a mask you would wear in front of everybody else.
But we often forget to remove that mask even when nobody else is around us, and instead of trying to breathe, to feel, at least for a few minutes, we shove it all down until the only thing we are familiar with is the poisonous mask we have created. I know I forgot how it feels to be vulnerable, to let other people see what was hiding behind the mask. And now, she did too.
I didn’t bring her here to fix her. People couldn’t fix people, but we could help each other to at least try and face the things we were hiding from. I was tired of all the nightmares that were haunting me to this day. I was tired of their sick, twisted faces, soulless eyes and the stench of sweat that clung to those rooms they kept me in. We all had our demons, and I just hoped that ours could tango together.
Maybe I was wrong, but maybe I wasn’t. She could’ve run away by now. It wasn’t as if she couldn’t figure out a way to get away from here, but some part of her wanted to stay. You could only be strong for so long before your mind shattered around you. Sometimes you couldn’t run away from everything haunting you, and I had a feeling she was at that point right now.
Her words didn’t have the same bite like they did in the church. Her eyes didn’t glow with the promise of revenge like they did with Kieran, and even if she didn’t need me and she wanted to lie to herself, I fucking needed her.
It was like watching a car crash happening right in front of your eyes. In slow motion, painful, but before I could say another word, before I could ask her what she wanted, Ophelia collapsed to the ground, hugging her knees to her chest. A curtain of hair hid her face from me, but the visible tremors shaking rushing through her body sent my heart into overdrive.
“Dammit, Sunshine.” I stepped behind her, hiding her from the rest of the people too oblivious to see what was happening on this side. “What’s happening with you?”
I wasn’t sure if she didn’t want to answer me, or just couldn’t, but I knew we couldn’t stay here. She was in no shape to ride on my bike with me, and as if summoned by my thoughts, Atlas rushed to us. I could see that he wasn’t sure what was going on, but I didn’t have time to explain.
“I need to use Jax’s Range Rover.” I pinned him down with a stare, and he didn’t bother asking questions.
I sat down on the warm sand and pulled her with me, making it seem as if we were just sitting over here. She didn’t stop shaking even as my arms wrapped around her body, taking a hold of one of her own. If anything, the tremors increased with each passing second, and I loathed this helpless feeling. I loathed the fact that I didn’t know what to do with her.
“Hey, hey,” I whispered into her hair, trying to soothe her. Even with the scent of my shampoo woven into her hair, she still managed to somehow make her own scent. She was a stubborn girl who never gave up on those that needed her. “It’s okay, Ophelia. It’s gonna be okay, Sunshine.”
The first sob broke free of her, and it was like an avalanche of emotions pushing out of her. Her body shook in my arms, but as she grabbed my hand, squeezed it as hard as she could, I knew that being here for her would have to be enough for now.
Eleven
Ophelia
