Page 25 of Equilibrium
“Okay,” I agreed.
“Okay?”
“Yeah.” I laughed at the elated smile that spread across her face. “We can definitely be friends.”
“Gods, I feel like I just ran a marathon, trying to get you to agree to this. I was about to whip out my puppy face and beg you for it.”
“Puppy face?” I asked with a scowl.
“Oh. My. God.” What the fuck did I do now? “You don’t know about the puppy face?”
“In case you haven’t noticed, I only have one face and that’s the I-am-about-to-murder-you face.”
“We are so going to practice right now. I don’t care. You’re going to learn how to make a puppy face.”
“But... I—”
“Nope,” she interrupted. “She doesn’t know about the puppy face,” she murmured to herself and then looked back at me. “How did you survive this long?”
“Erm, knives?”
That sent her into another fit of laughter, and for some inexplicable reason, I followed along.
I spentthe rest of the day with Zoe, listening to stories about her childhood, and the little shenanigans Indigo and she would get into while growing up with the club. Turns out that their family used to be a part of it for more than thirty years, and both of them are basically a legacy. It surprised me how easy the conversation with her was.
There was no judgment, no prejudice about who I was and what I did. I didn’t elaborate on all the things I did, and she didn’t ask either. I didn’t even realize how much I missed talking with somebody who was my age and who understood this world better than some random person on the street.
Her smiles were genuine, her words truthful, and during the time I spent with her, I almost forgot about everything else. I would usually be angry about losing focus of what I had to do, but today it was a welcome reprieve from the usual fuckery swimming in my head. My past didn’t rear its ugly head, and for the first time in forever, my future didn’t seem so bleak.
I was right when I saw those pictures. All these people were one big family here, and even if they didn’t like every single person, they protected each other. They cared for each other, and I yearned for it. I wanted to be accepted somewhere. I wanted to belong. Wasn’t it messed up that the one place I thought I might be, would be the place I was warned about my entire life?
Atlas disappeared an hour after Zoe sat with me, along with Indigo and a couple of other guys. She noticed me looking for them and explained that they had some sort of a meeting. That deep-rooted ache for Storm only seemed to expand as the day went by, but I didn’t want to think about it.
At least I didn’t have any other episodes like the one yesterday. I tried not to think about Kieran either, or the devastation on Cillian’s face. I thought I would be happier now that the deed was done, but I felt... nothing. One big nothing.
Zoe kept me preoccupied, introducing me to other people, their families, small children, but even she could see that the easy-going persona I was trying to portray was nothing but an illusion. I was good at those. I was good at putting on a mask when I needed it, and today was the day for those.
These people weren’t guilty of putting me here. They also didn’t deserve my wrath or my scowling face when they welcomed me with open arms and warm smiles. Nobody mentioned my history, even though I could sense that all of them knew who I was.
And I was grateful for it.
Even if it were just for one day, I could pretend that everything I did in the past was nothing more than a nightmare I couldn’t escape from. I could pretend I was a regular girl, at a regular barbeque, meeting new people. Hell, I went as far as to talk with some of them.
The older couple Zoe pointed at before was part of the club almost since the very beginning. He used to be an enforcer in the early days, and some of the stories he shared were too good to pass up.
The sun was slowly settling down, and everybody seemed to trickle inside. I was confused by the sudden change until Zoe came back to me, explaining what was happening.
“They’re getting ready for the ride.”
“The ride?” And then I remembered what she said during one of her cute rambling speeches. They went for a ride through Santa Monica.
“Is everybody going?”
“Yeah, most of the people are. Some have their own bikes, some are gonna catch a ride with one of the guys.”
My usual response would be to retreat to my room, but for some reason my mind drifted to Storm. Suddenly, I wanted to be a part of it. I wanted to feel that cool air on my cheeks, to hold on to him as we rode into the sunset. But he was nowhere to be found.
“He’s inside, with the other guys.” The girl was a mind reader.
