Page 114 of Equilibrium
At least someone loved me. Someone thought that I was worth it. He thought I was worth all the pain, all the blood and tears.
Even if the person I wanted didn’t feel the same way, I wanted to at least believe in this tiny, little lie. I loved lies. They had kept me going for so many years. I’d lied to myself that my father cared about me, when in reality he never cared about anything but his own sick little gains. I was just a pawn in this game he played, and God knew what he actually did to Maya.
The cold air of the night hit my skin as Kieran removed my bra, my nipples puckering underneath his gaze.
“You’re so beautiful.” His head dipped down, taking one nipple into his mouth, then the other one. Swirling his tongue around the pebbled buds, I arched my back, pushing my chest into his face. “I’ve missed this. I’ve missed us.” But I didn’t. I didn’t miss him because I was consumed with Storm. I just couldn’t tell him that.
The wetness pooled in my core and I started clenching my legs around his waist.
“Are you mine?” he asked me, and I could’ve lied. I could’ve told him that I belonged to him and only him, but the name on my right thigh was the one I belonged to, even if it was the one I wanted to forget.
“For tonight.” I pulled him to me before he could say anything, kissing him, taking everything he was willing to give me.
He traced the scar on my cheek and moved away momentarily, the weight of what he had done to me visible on his face.
“I am sorry, baby. I was a fool. I was blind, filled with rage and I just needed someone to blame. And you were there. You were the perfect culprit.”
But it was too late for apologies, for forgiveness. He should’ve talked to me instead of attacking me.
“It’s okay, K.” I took his hand, turning his palm to me. “I forgive you.” I kissed his palm. “I forgive you for that. You don’t have to carry that guilt with you anymore. I will never be able to forget, but I forgive you.”
Closing his eyes, a shuddering breath left his body, and I knew I did the right thing.
“But Kieran, Maya has to forgive you for what you did to her. I can’t forgive you for that. It isn’t my place, and it isn’t my pain. That is one thing I could never forgive you for.”
“I know, birdy. Trust me, I know.”
I knew that this was our goodbye. He and I weren’t meant to be together. There was too much pain, too much history, and staying with Kieran would mean betraying Maya.
I couldn’t do that, and somewhere deep inside him, he knew that as well.
“Your pants need to go away, birdy.”
“Just don’t rip them.” I laughed. “This is the only pair I own for now.”
“I’ll buy you another pair,” he growled as he started unbuttoning them. “I’ll buy you ten thousand pairs, but this one has to fucking go.”
I dreaded the moment he would see what was carved on my thigh, but he had to. My body belonged to him for the night, but my soul stayed in Santa Monica.
“You sound eager.”
“I haven’t been inside of you for far too long. My dick misses you.” A kiss. A touch. A caress on my skin. “I need to be inside you so badly, you’ve no idea.”
“I think I can feel it.” I chuckled.
I lifted my butt from the table as he pulled my pants down, discarding them on the floor. He couldn’t see the scar in the dark, but as his hand took a hold of my calves, going higher to my thighs, I knew that it was a matter of seconds.
“What is this?” he asked as his hand finally landed on the elevated flesh, the letters there forever marking me. I could see the furrowing of his eyebrows, but I couldn’t see his eyes as he crouched lower trying to see what it was.
“It’s nothing.” I whispered, my voice too weak to say anything else. “Just let it go, K.”
But he wasn’t letting it go. His fingers traced the pattern there and when his eyes met mine, I knew that he could tell what was carved there.
“Storm.”
It wasn’t a question; it was a statement said through the gritted teeth. It was the realization that I wasn’t his anymore, that another man held my soul in the grip of his hands.
He stood still, the pressure on my thigh increasing but I needed him to let it go. I needed to let go of everything, and I needed this, tonight.
