Page 73 of Ricochet
She was crazy, but so was I. The difference was, I was crazy about her, and she was crazy for everything else.
I removed my suit jacket, letting it drop to the floor as I sauntered toward the center of the room. The bed dipped beneath my weight, and she stirred in her sleep, turning toward me.
The infinite color of a sky I could always see in her eyes, connected with mine, and a small furrow in her brow showed her confusion.
"What are you doing here, Kieran?"
I brought my hand up, gliding it over her hair, ignoring her question.
"Kieran?"
I thought this was going to be easier. I thought hating her for what she did would exorcise my demons and salvage my soul, because what I did could never be forgiven. She didn't know everything that happened after we broke up, and I hoped that she never found out.
What I did to her sister was unforgivable, and I was a fucking hypocrite trying to destroy her now when I wasn't an innocent party here. None of us were innocent, but the two of us, we deserved a special place in hell for all of the gruesome things we did.
For all the orders we followed.
"If you're here with another one of your fucked-up games, you can let yourself out and let me sleep."
"Shhh." I placed my finger on her lips, feeling the softness below. "I don't wanna talk, Phee."
"Are you drunk?" She propped herself up, and I let my hand drop from her hair. "Of course, you are. Jesus, Kieran, did you drink the whole distillery tonight? You reek of it."
"I'm sorry."
She was vividly taken aback by my words, and started inching closer to the edge of the bed, away from me.
"Please don't go." I pulled her closer to me. "I just wanna hold you, just for one night. Just this one time."
"What the hell, K?"
I hugged her to me, burying my face in her hair. If I could, I would've taken her away a long time ago. Maybe If I was stronger, I would've been able to save her, to save us. But I was late, so fucking late, and in a blink of an eye, she became a monster I had to destroy.
But not tonight, no.
Tonight, she was my Ophelia. She was the little girl chasing after us with Ava. She was a woman who stole my heart, and the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, no matter how miserable I was.
Tonight, she was an angel I needed. If I had to pretend that everything that happened was just a bad dream, so be it.
"Please, Phee," I pleaded with her. "Please. Just tonight."
She gradually relaxed in my arms, and I knew I had what I wanted.
A sweet dream.
A bitter fantasy.
I was always going to be hers, I knew that. Even when the last breath leaves her body, I was still going to be hers. Nobody else ever came even close to her and what we used to have. Nobody ever would.
"Okay." Her voice felt like a caress on my skin, and in that moment, nothing else mattered.
None of the things she did, the monstrous things I did. Not even the fact that we pushed each other over the cliff.
None of it.
I dropped down onto the mattress, pulling her with me. There was no fight left in her body, and this felt like one of those nights we spent together before our world burned down.
"I am sorry, Phee." I gripped her tighter, pulling her closer. "I am so fucking sorry for everything."
