Page 113 of Wedded to the Devilish Highlander
“I’ve been through a lot.”
“Aye, ye have, but so have we all. The castle and clan dinnae belong only to ye. They belong to all of us, and we all hurt as much as ye do. I still mourn yer faither.”
“Aye, I ken,” Archer said.
“Will ye sit with me?” Lyla asked as she sat in the chair by the window.
Archer had wanted to be alone, but something stirred in the room, and he couldn’t just walk away. He moved to the other chair by the window and sat across from his mother.
“Ye never told us why the betrothal ended,” Lyla said. “Ye said a lot of words, and they sounded like they meant somethin’, but they never really explained anythin’. She didnae leave voluntarily, so what was it?”
Archer sighed and rubbed his temples. “Initially, I saw a chance to stop ye and the council from pesterin’ me all the time about gettin’ married. I thought if she pretended to be me betrothed, I could concentrate on other matters. And I did. We rooted out the traitors.”
“Aye, but that wasnae because ye were able to concentrate harder. It all came to a head ‘cause of the McFairs. If ye didnae want to be wed, ye could have just told me that.”
“Would that have made a difference?” Archer asked.
Lyla gave a slight smile. “Probably nae, but I would’ve at least kenned how ye felt. I still think ye should marry, and I think it would be good for ye, Archer. I see ye runnin’ from it, and I ken ye need help to turn around and face it. As yer maither, I need to offer that help.”
“I dinnae want to be wed,” he insisted.
“I ken. When yer faither passed, ye changed completely, and that’s when ye got the silly idea that ye couldnae face loss again into yer head.”
His eyes widened a little at that. He’d never mentioned it to her.
“It was me fault, and ye ken that,” he said.
“Yer fault?” Lyla tutted. “Dinnae be daft. Yer faither’s death wasnae yer fault.”
“Ye changed, too, when he passed.”
“Aye, and that’s me own business. But I’m old, and he was me husband. I willnae take another husband, but that doesnae mean I should shy away from any relationship, and ye—” Lyla brought a hand to her mouth. “Ye think I blame ye. I can see it in yer eyes. Ye blame yerself for his death, and that’s easier to believe if someone else blames ye, too.”
“Ye’ve never been the same.”
“Stop that right now,” Lyla scolded. “I have never once blamed ye for his death. Ye fought valiantly on that day and took down two of the brigands after yer faither also took down two. Nay man could have survived that ambush, and that’s afore we kenned it was planned from within the castle. All of that aside, dinnae ye dare believe that I blame ye one bit. I’m only glad the good Lord brought ye back to me. Havin’ ye here kept me goin’.”
Archer dropped his head in his hands and stared at the floor.
“I couldnae keep her safe,” he murmured. “I couldnae properly protect her, just like I couldnae protect Faither. I dinnae deserve her.”
“Ye deserve far more than ye realize,” Lyla declared. “And ye’re a bloody fool if ye think otherwise. The clan is only strong because of ye. When yer faither was killed, ye could have shut down and shirked yer duties, but ye stepped up. If he were around today, he would say that himself. He was a good man, there’s nay doubt about that, but ye’re a better man, just as all sons should be.”
Archer’s jaw ticked, and he rubbed his thumbs against his palms until they turned red. He reached out and patted his mother’s knee.
“Thank ye, Maither. How can I ken that somethin’ is true and false at the same time? I believe ye when ye tell me that his death wasnae me fault. I believed her when she told me, too. But in me heart, I ken it is, and I dinnae think that will ever go away.”
“Then ye learn to live with it and nae let it hold ye back,” she persisted. “A councilman betrayed ye—two of them. Does that mean ye should dismantle the council? Someone started a fire in our castle, and it almost claimed Reid Kilmartin’s life. Does that mean we should stamp every fire and nae warm our castle again?”
Archer didn’t answer her questions, nor was an answer required.
“Just because somethin’ hurt ye, doesnae mean ye stay away from it. Aye, his death hurt us all, but death is a part of life, and if ye stop livin’, then ye might as well be dead yerself.”
“I’m sorry,” Archer mumbled. “I ken I’ve been distant toward ye these past years. I shouldnae have been like that.”
“We all deal with things in our own way,” Lyla sighed. “I cannae claim to be perfect these past six years. Far from it. Although Ivy is the best of us. We should all try to be more like her.”
“It’s annoyin’, but ye’re right,” Archer agreed.
