Page 90 of Shamed
I wasn’t sure how to explain that the same girl Jacob attacked is now staying in my apartment.
I didn’t know how to tell her that I pushed myself into her life, that I was persistent in trying to make it better, like it was my soul’s purpose.
Mom might think I sought Jayne out, and that it wasn’t by accident.
She might think I was trying to fix something I didn’t do, just like she told me weeks ago.
And she’d be right about that part.
At least, that’s what it was originally.
Or maybe she’d simply be pleased that I’m not alone. She’s been pestering me about not having someone, so maybe she’d be happy.
But Idon’thave Jayne. And I never will.
Once her roof is fixed, she’ll be going home, and I will be leaving her alone at that point.
“I hope you don’t mind a detour on the way to the gym,” I finally say. “Mom can’t press buttons very well, and having access to movies is important.”
She finally turns to me, an almost detached look in her eyes now. “I’m actually a little tired, so I might skip the gym today and just stay home and play with Lulu instead.”
Disappointment carves a space in my gut. “Oh. You sure?”
“Yeah.” Jayne shrugs. “It works out better for you, anyway. You won’t have to rush when you’re at your mom’s.”
This time, I think Iwantto rush, especially knowing Heidi’s there.
I open my mouth to argue that point but stop myself. I’m supposed to be creating distance, aren’t I?
So, instead of explaining anything, I just dip my chin in response. “Sure.”
I’ll stay at home until the last moment, so I only have a few minutes to log Mom in, then leave. There will be no lingering, no chatting with Heidi.
I figure Jayne and I can at least eat some lunch together at home before I go.
But the moment we step through the door, she scoops Lulu into her arms and closes her bedroom door behind her with a softclick.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Jennifer
Red is such a harsh color. It’s intense. Angry. There’s a reason it’s used on stop signs. A warning color to stay away. No wonder I’ve alwayshated it.
I slide the blade over the flesh on my upper forearm, watching as a red line cuts a path across the pinkened skin. Though it stings, the slight pain is soothing, a punishment, a reminder.
“You seem different.”
Jolting, I drop the blade onto the toilet stall floor, almost falling to the floor myself. Shit. I didn’t think anyone else was in here.
Scrambling, I pull my sleeve down to cover my arm, then use my shoe to kick the blade behind the toilet.
My heart pounds, a flush spreading over my chest and up my neck at the possibility of being caught.Shame.
I haven’t been able to bring myself to do it at Mase’s apartment—it felt wrong for some reason—so I started taking trips to the bathroom before my shift starts each night.
“JJ? That’s you in there, right?”
My head lifts, eyes snapping to the tiny crack between the door and the frame. “Melody?” Was she watching me through the space? Could she see?
