Page 39 of Shamed
The poor guy looks like he wants to disappear into the ground, and that only makes me double-down on my assholery.
If I keep them at a point of slightly hating me, they’re less likely to give a shit, and less likely to want to know anything about me. Less likely to dig.
I always watch the guys with an unwarranted wave of jealousy and longing. Jacob has Campbell, and Neil has Jason.
And me? I have no one.
But they’re unwarranted feelings because that’s how I’ve let things be. How I’vemadethings be. I’m different from them. Different from everyone.
Right now, I’m half laying on the floor in Campbell’s room, with my back against the couch, purposely looking like a sloth who gives no shits.
Campbell often plays host to us, and if we’re not here, we’re usually at Jacob’s.
“Jennifer Lapmordidmention she was going to be there.” Campbell quirks a brow at him.
“She actually talked to you guys?” Neil asks, surprised.
I watch as Jacob fidgets, so fucking uncomfortable that I’m tempted to tell them to shut up. I don’t, though.Keep playing along.
Campbell laughs. “No. I doubt she even knew we were behind her when she was talking to her friends.”
“Now that sounds more like it.” I grin at him.
It’s not that I don’t want Jacob to be happy. If a relationship with Jennifer were in the cards for him, then I’d be ecstatic for him . . . mostly. Not that I’d show it.
But I observe everything a lot more than they realize, and I can see that she barely knows he exists. I feel bad for him—not that I show that, either.
Jacob lands an irritated glare on me. “For your information, she talks to me all the time.”
“Probably asking why you’re staring at her.”
“No. She’s said plenty.” Jacob stomps to the bedroom door, trying to convince us he’s justpassingby the house where the party is being held. But we all know better.
Remembering the condom I have in my pocket for no other reason than to keep up the act, I call out to stop him fromleaving and push to my feet, quickly jumping over Neil on my way to meet Jacob at the door.
“Here.” I whip the condom out and slap it into his palm. “You know, just in case.” I bark out an obnoxious laugh and walk back to the same spot I just vacated.
“Laugh it up now, boys, but you know what? She will be mine one day. I’ll make sure of it. You just wait and see.” He waves the packet at us. “And then Iwillneed this.”
I smile while everyone else chuckles, but his words crawl around in my head, scratching at the surface of my sensitive mind.
I know he didn’t mean he’d force her. Of course, he didn’t. But it rubs me the wrong way regardless, and it’s a struggle to shake off the first thought that comes to mind.“She will be mine one day. I’ll make sure of it. And then Iwillneed this.”
No. I’m being ridiculous.
Get a grip, you idiot.
The vibration of my phone drags me back to the moment, but after a peek at the screen, every other thought ceases and my stomach clenches with worry.
I need to leave.Now.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Campbell grab a pillow and I just know it’s headed for my head. Somehow, I catch it before it makes contact with my face.
“You’re an asshole,” Campbell says to me.
With my mind distracted, I force the grin I’m known for and throw the pillow back at him, knowing that if I don’t pull it together, they’ll know something is up and pester me.
“I was just tryin’ to look out for my boy. We all know he doesn’t walk around prepared like some of us.” And that’s a perfect segway into me leaving right the fuck now. “Anyway, I have to go as well. Unlike you losers and the love-sick puppy who just left, I have someone I gotta meet up with.”
