Page 123 of Shamed
But then the guilt rushes back in, and every point of contact feels like pinpricks. It makes me feel claustrophobic, like I’m suffocating.
This isn’t right. None of this is.
But I knew this day was coming, when everything would rise to the surface, didn’t I? I couldn’t hide from what I did forever.
“Everything okay?” His dark eyes sweep over my face, the soft tone of his voice making my gut twist even more. He’s so fucking kind, so gorgeous it hurts to look at him.
I swallow, trying to force a smile. “Everything is fine.”
I feel his hands drift higher up my back, his fingers splaying wide and heat searing into my back. There’s a little tug on my hair, and I know he’s twisting some strands around his finger—something I’ve noticed he likes doing, even when he doesn’t realize.
His eyes flicker back and forth between mine. “Have I told you that Friday is my favorite day?”
“Oh? Why is that?”
The side of his mouth lifts in an almost sad smile, and he pulls the section of hair he has wrapped around his finger over the front of my shoulder, continuing to twirl it, his gaze pulled to it. “Because you don’t work at the club, and I get to see you in my class.”
He’s made it no secret that he doesn’t like me working atTease, with all his grumbling and furrowed brows.
But each day I force myself to leave for work, knowing that he’s jealous, and that it confuses him why I continue to work there when he knows I hate it.
I don’t know what to say right now, so I simply drop my eyes to his chest, sinking my teeth into my bottom lip.
“I will see you later tonight, right?”
I nod, lifting my eyes again. “I’ll be there.” I’m surprised my voice doesn’t come out sounding like my throat is filled with sand, considering how dry it is.
Mase smiles, and it’s the type that reaches into your chest and squeezes your heart, making you want to say whatever you can just to keep it there.
I had no hope of not falling for him. And Ihavefallen for him, heart and broken soul.
“I’m just going to grab a snack, and then I’m taking off.”
“Okay,” I murmur.
Releasing me, he goes into the kitchen, and I take the opportunity to escape into the guest bedroom, where most of my belongings are, just so I can take a full breath again.
As soon as I step through the door, I bend at the waist, sucking air in through my nose while trying to loosen some of the constriction I feel.
A chill spreads through my body, and I find myself scanning the window to see if it’s open, even though I know it’s not. It’s probably not even cold in here, to be honest.
I rub my arms in an effort to warm up. When that doesn’t work, I walk to the closet, reaching for one of my thicker sweaters on the top shelf that I haven’t needed for a while.
Something falls to the floor when I yank it off, and when I look down, I realize it’s a photo.
I slip on my sweater, then drop to my knees to take a closer look.
With trembling fingers, I pick it up, my racing heart thumping in my ears, a headache blooming at the base of my skull while my soul feels like it’s shattering all over again.
I stare at the five teenagers in the picture, my shaky finger tracing over each boy.
Mase, Jacob, Campbell, Jason, and Neil, all standing together with their arms over each other’s shoulders, while Campbell pretends to punch Jacob.
I can’t stop staring at Jacob’s smiling face.
Youruined that,you fucking monster.
Breaths rush out of me, my throat closing up.
