Page 77 of Wrecked
Her eyes are scrutinizing as she looks up at me. “If there's something going on in your personal life, I suggest you get it sorted. Sooner rather than later.”
I swallow, giving a quick nod before I turn to leave, then rush through the first steps of my shift, look over the information for the day, and get started with my rounds. I'm grateful that I didn't get into more trouble than I did, but I feel awful and irresponsible. That isnotsomething I'm used to; being irresponsible. And the feeling doesn't sit right with me.
I could have beenfired.
That weight sits heavily on my shoulders as I visit my patients, although, truth be told, it's not the only thing sitting there.
When lunchtime rolls around, I know Ash can sense something is off with me right away, but when he asks, I simply tell him that I'm just tired from work. It's not a complete lie, but it's not the whole truth, either. His bright blue eyes dull just a little because he doesn't believe my excuse and probably feels hurt that I didn't confide in him. But I know Cam wouldn't appreciate me talking about him to the person he refers to asCurly-locks.
Ash, being the good guy that he is, doesn't press any further and continues to carry the conversation for the both of us.
As I told him, Iamtired, and it feels like my movements have been as sluggish as a walking zombie, with every step I take dragging. But I'm also distracted by thoughts of Cam.
Last night, or rather this morning, I was focused on getting Cam home and was just grateful that he ended up calling me. But the more I've thought about it today, the more little flags seem to keep popping up. I've been running things over in my mind, not sure if I'm seeing things that aren't really there or completely missing things that are right in front of my face.
When Cam and I finally went to sleep this morning, he seemed okay and was holding me closely with his face buried in my hair like usual. But he was also still drunk. His soft snores were blowing past his full lips when I left for work a couple of hours later, so on top of all the other worries, I'm not actually sure who it is that I'm going to get when I see him next.
Is he going to be the Cam that was pushing me away just like he did before we got together? Or will he be the Cam that he's been since then, who I'm falling in love with, the one who brought me orchids?
After saying goodbye to Ash, I head back inside, determined to focus on work instead of my love life, as I should be anyway. But just as I get to my floor, Sandra approaches me, throwing another wrench into my day by telling me I've had a new patient added.
I rush to his room the second she tells me who it is, worry filling my stomach with every step.
“Walter,” I scold when I step into his room as if I'm angry that he's here. But really, I'mterrifiedthat he is. Three heart attacks within a year is not a good sign.
“There she is,” he says quietly with a smile. But it's not the easy grin that I'm used to getting from him, and it does nothing to soothe my growing concern. It's weak, a little more forced perhaps, and as I scan over his body, I note that he's looking a little thinner and the dark around his eyes a little more pronounced. I swallow the thickness in my throat. Maybe it's the lack of sleep, and I'm just noticing things now that have always been there.
“You've got to find a different way to see me,” I try and joke as I step closer to him. “If you were missing me that much I would have come by your apartment again.”
“Well, Iwasmissing my girl,” he murmurs, causing an ache in my heart. I know he's continuing my joke, but I can't seem to force a smile as I take hold of his hand and squeeze.
“Was there anything that felt different over the past couple of weeks? Anything you should have told me about? I should have checked on you more.” I'm angry at myself for not doing so more than I did. Logically I know these things can sometimes happen without warning, but if there is anything that could have prevented it–
“Jaz,” he says, interrupting my thoughts. “I would have told you if I felt off. You know I'd rather not be stuck in here. The only good things here are you and that other pretty nurse out there. What's her name, Sandra? Send her in after you're done, will ya?” Shaking my head, I give him the slightest smile as my nerves settle just the tiniest bit.
But I'm so scared of losing Walter, and I'm concerned about what's going on with Cam, and that, coupled with the fact that I could have lost my job, has a cocktail of emotions mixing together that I find overwhelming.
I start doing my usual checks, working hard to keep myself pulled together. But I'm tired, and when I'm tired, I'm emotional, and when I'm emotional, it doesn't take much to make me cry. I feel like tears are sitting right there, waiting to fill my eyes.
“You look like you haven't slept in a few days,” Walter says from behind me. “Something else is bothering you, isn't it? Want to tell me about it?”
I jerk my attention back to him, wondering how the hell he can tell that.
Sucking in a breath and forcing a smile, I pat his hand. “It's nothing. I just worry about you.” When he quirks a brow and crosses his arms, I know I'm not going to get away with that answer. He may be looking pale and sickly, but he can still make me talk with a simple look.
I fuss with the clipboard before taking a seat next to him and laying it on my lap. “I'm a little worried about Cam. We had a fight last night. Actually, I wouldn't even call it that. He just started putting himself down and saying that it was howIfelt and ended up walking out. Then he called me early this morning, drunk, and needed me to pick him up.”
Walter's brows bunch together as he considers what I said. “Did something happen that set him off?”
“He lost his job yesterday.” I feel like there was more to the story, but he never got a chance to tell me everything.
“Ah,” Walter murmurs. “That'll definitely affect a guy. Make you feel like a failure, amongst other things.”
I run a hand through my ponytail, idly playing with the ends while looking aimlessly at the wall in front of me. “I never would have thought he was a failure for it. He just started putting words in my mouth.”
“Sweetheart, that's the unfortunate thing about perception. If he's feeling that way, he's going to see that through your eyes as well. Trust me. I know.”
I turn my attention back to Walter, observing his expression, and then nod. He has told me a lot about his life, and I trust that he knows what he's talking about. But I haven't told him everything, like how Cam feels guilty about his best friend, how his parents treated him, or even the racing. I guess all of those things would only make him feel worse about himself, so what Walter said makes sense.
