Page 49 of After His Eulogy
“You are breaking up with me because you got too close. You are scaring yourself. You have been scaring yourself for twoweeks. You have been waiting for a reason. Mendez gave you a reason and you took it.”
“That is not…“
“It is. Reed. Look at me. It is.”
I look at him. I look at him and his face is asking me to be honest. I am not sure if I can be honest. The honest thing is the thing he just said. And the honest thing being said back to me out loud by him is harder than the honest thing being a thing I am keeping.
“Maybe,” I say.
“Maybe.”
“Yeah.”
“Yes or no, Reed.”
“Yes.”
“Yes.”
“Yes. Yes, Griffin. Yes. Both. Both things. The Mendez thing is real. The other thing is real too. They’re the same thing. The reason Mendez worries me is the reason you worry me. The reason you worry me is that I’m…“
“That you are letting yourself have something.”
“Yes.”
“And you do not believe you get to have something.”
“Yes.”
“And the part of you that does not believe you get to have something is using Mendez to take it from you.”
I do not answer. He looks at me.
“Reed.”
“Yeah.”
“Listen to me. I am going to say something and you are going to listen to it and you are not going to interrupt.”
“Okay.”
“You are right that the Mendez thing is real. You are right that you should not be lying to him. You are right that there is aquestion about whether I am a vulnerability. Those are real. I am not telling you those are not real.”
“Okay.”
“What I am telling you is that those are problems we figure out together. Those are not problems you solve by leaving. You leaving is not the answer to those problems. Those problems exist whether you leave or not. Those problems exist even if I never see you again. If you leave, you are alone and lying to Mendez and the people who are looking for you can still find you. The leaving does not solve any of the things you just said.”
“Griffin.”
“Wait.”
“Okay.”
“The leaving solves a different problem. It solves the problem of you having to stay. It solves the problem of you having let yourself want this. That is the problem you are solving. And I am not letting you solve it by leaving.”
“That is not…“
“You are doing it again.”
