Page 18 of Horns & Heart
Chapter8
Iclosed my eyes and took a calming breath.I was going to have sex with someone else.
“Okay, fine, but no penetration.”My heart thrummed like a bass guitar at a rock concert, and my throat clicked as I swallowed.“If you’re on board for that.In general, and for no penetration specifically.”
“It would have been nice to feel you in me, but we can do what you want.I want to.I want to please you in whatever way you’ll let me.”Inkiri spoke with a purr nipping at the dark vowels of his voice.It was inhuman in the best of ways.
I hadn’t even considered that he wouldn’t want to ravish me properly, and why was I still so focused on the ravishing?Me topping would also count as ravishing, but it was far less appealing.I’d always been more curious about and fascinated by receiving.
I was thinking about how I could or should respond when Inkiri slid my jacket off me and dropped it to the floor.The bed dipped when he straddled me, and just his closeness made me feel hot and wide awake and wired and a little bit scared all at once.
To be frank, I’d assumed I would die a virgin.Eaten by a monster.The most damselly way to go ever, and it had made me ridiculously sad.It had made me cry for a life that could no longer exist, not after what had happened to the world.
I was twenty-three now, almost twenty-four.It was embarrassing that I’d never gone all the way even before the apocalypse.Should I tell the monster about to, sadly,notravish me that I was more than ready to be deflowered?If I did, would he want to go all the way?As in, either me in him or him in me?Did I want that?
He interrupted my pro- and con-finding mission by ever so gently reaching for my hand.Without breaking eye contact, he pushed the sleeve of my sweater back and kissed my wrist, slowly, tenderly.My fingers curled against his, and he opened his mouth to lick my wrist.When his tongue connected, I nearly jumped out of my skin.
“What?”Inkiri let go of my hand when I pulled it back, but he was still kneeling on my lap, his knees on either side of me, caging me in.“What’s wrong, sweet thing?”
“Your tongue.It’s rough, like a cat’s tongue.”
His right horn caught a beam of light when he tilted his head.“That is not normal to you?”
I shook my head, and of course I was thinking about what a proper kiss with him would feel like.I was just that debauched.And horny.The best thing I’d been able to achieve by myself was a steady grip while hoping no wild monster would barge in.But a kiss like that…
“You don’t want me to lick you.”Inkiri almost whined with disappointment.
“Uhm, no, that’s not it at all.”I straightened as best as I could and looked right at him.The blue skin wasn’t really that weird.His horns looked even more impressive up close, and his eyes, while unusual, weren’t off-putting.Not in the least.I liked those indigo eyes.I liked them on me.“I just wasn’t prepared for it, you know?I was surprised.Do you want to kiss, maybe?I think I would like to try.”
He smiled.“Whatever you want, Sadir.”
His arms came up around me, and he pulled me close.I was probably really, really bad at kissing, and I just hoped he wouldn’t think I was a complete dummy.Could you be a dummy at sex even if you were mostly on the receiving end?This experience was getting more daunting by the minute.
I opened my mouth when I remembered I might want to tell him about the virginity thing, then immediately forgot again on account of his tongue making contact.
His tongue was definitely rough, definitely seemed catlike, but then I’d never kissed a cat.He started by brushing over my bottom lip, and I reciprocated as best as I could.He was good at what he did though, slowly caressing my own tongue and lips, holding me up, pulling me closer, even while I felt as if I was fumbling my way through all of this.
His fingers drew patterns on my back and shoulders, and he was gentle, yet so firm at the same time.A big, strong man whose arms I wanted to melt in, like soft-serve ice cream on your naked belly.
Right then and there I decided this couldn’t possibly be all bad.Well, if he decided he wanted to give head, the texture of his tongue might take some getting used to.But even so, the way he held me without it being scary, pressed his mouth against mine, and explored so tenderly made me feel like I never had before.And I wanted more.
If I’d had someone like this two years ago, none of this would have happened.I might not have gone on this trip with Cat and Jacob, and even if I hadn’t caused the apocalypsedirectly—whatever ominous reality that little word was hiding—I probably wouldn’t have caused anything at all.I’d have been too busy being in love.And being loved.I really would have liked being someone’s special person, if even just for a little while.
I thought up a scenario in which I’d taken that trip with Cat and Jacob, but with Inkiri at my side.We were all at the Hill of Tara, Cat and Jacob were walking ahead of us and holding hands, just like Inkiri and I were.His tall presence would make me feel safe, and he’d make sure no one bumped into me.After all, he thought I was breakable, and he wouldn’t let anyone break me.I imagined looking up and seeing those glorious horns shimmering in the sun.
If someone had tried coming up to me and telling me about wish-fulfilling stones then, not only would Inkiri never have let them come close, I’d have said something along the lines of,I have no wishes left to wish, none, I have everything I want here.And I’d have squeezed Inkiri’s hand, and we’d have had a moment of soul gazing.Romantic music would have been playing in the background, and everything would have been perfect.
Except I’d never had that, and I didn’t think I would now.This wasn’t my imagination, but a real monster-person willing to…do things with me.It said a lot about my life that I was sort of really fudging happy about that.
“I think I could get used to kissing you,” I said when he pulled away, and I realized belatedly that I’d said it out loud.
Inkiri smiled.“I liked it too.I’ve read as much as I could, and kissing is in so many songs.We don’t do it much at all, which is a shame.”He put a hand under my chin and tilted my head up to give himself access to my throat.That brought the horns so much closer, and I eyed them even as he gently licked over the pulse point in my throat and made an appreciative sound.“You’re so soft.”
The throat licking went on for a while longer.He kept one hand on or close to my jaw, and while his horns were less than an inch away from me, in one instance even brushing my cheek—something that made him purr—I eventually relaxed, closed my eyes, and focused on that harsh tongue glide all over my throat and neck.
Inkiri ended the unfamiliar tenderness when his fingers found their way under my sweater and T-shirt, both of which he pulled up in one go.I was ready to lose my pants as well, but luckily, I couldn’t move with him still straddling me, so I didn’t have to fight any residual shyness to take them off.Not yet, at least.
When I was bare-chested in front of him, Inkiri stopped.And stared.His mouth fell open in a very human expression of surprise.He reached out and brushed his thumb lightly over my nipple.
