Page 91 of Vicious Intentions
Unable to hold my tongue any longer, I send him a reply back, a sarcastic one with a bit more bite to it than I’m accustomed to typing.
Me:It sure looked like you.
Caro Mio:It wasn’t, Anna. I promise you that much. I would never intentionally hurt you.
Was that what he did? Yes, yes, it was. If hurting me had been the goal all along, then he succeeded.
Me:Were you drunk? You sounded drunk.
Stella always says that when people get tipsy, they show their true face. The thought has been sitting heavily in my mind, trying to rationalize what made him act out like that.
The little typing bubbles pop up on the screen, and instead of the yes-or-no answer I was expecting, something else appears.
Caro Mio:No amount of alcohol could ever make me want to hurt you. I know that’s what happened this morning, and for that, I apologize. If things were different, and I could talk to you again like I wanted to, then I would have spent the precious time I had telling you how happy I was to see your face. How even the sound of your voice eases the knot in my chest I’ve beencarrying for longer than I care to admit. I would have done it all so differently,cara mia. So very differently, if I could.
Teeth sink into my lower lip, but I don’t dare reply. If he wanted to do all that, then there was nothing stopping him. All these pretty words don’t justify his bad behavior.
Caro Mio:You’ve gone quiet again. Your silence troubles me.
Me:I’m not sure what you want me to say.
Caro Mio:I know.
Caro Mio:Can I ask you a question then?
Me:That depends.
Caro Mio:On?
Exhaustion settles deep in my bones with each text. After the busy day with my family, paired with the emotional wreckage his morning call left behind, a round of twenty questions is the last thing I can handle right now. Still, fingers move of their own accord, relenting to his request.
Me:What do you want to know?
Caro Mio:What do you feel for me? Honestly.
That wakes me up.
Me:I don’t understand the question.
Caro Mio:I think you do, sweetheart.
Caro Mio: Am I just your friend? Is that all I am to you?
I read the text again, the air turning thin, as if it were siphoned out of the room. I’ve somehow stepped into a trap without ever seeing the snare.
Was that why he told me that story earlier about his rivalry with Matteo over some girl? A childish attempt to get a rise from me so he could measure my feelings for him? If that was his plan, he went about it the wrong way. All it did was confuse me more.
Honesty hovers at the tip of my tongue, but self-preservation wins out in the end.
Me:You’re my best friend. My only true friend outside my siblings. I care for you a great deal.
It’s not a lie.
I care about him. More than I probably should. But after his peculiar behavior earlier, I don’t feel safe enough to be truly honest. Maybe if he had asked me after his gift arrived yesterday, my answer would have been different. Perhaps I would have had the courage to tell him I’m falling in love with him. Now I’m just confused, wondering if the man I was falling for even exists.
Caro Mio:You care for me?
Me:Yes.
