Page 62 of Vicious Intentions
Me: Not everything needs to be talked to death. It’s not that deep.
Me:I’ve got enough going on without playing therapist.
Me:Besides… you’re not that special. You were just there.
Me:You’re nice and all, Anna, but you’re painfully boring.
Me:Talking to you feels like a chore. I’m done pretending otherwise.
Sent. There. It’s done.
I finish my drink, then switch off Raffaele’s phone, uninterested in whatever reply might come next. I lock it away in my desk drawer and pocket the key, sealing it out of his reach.
One problem solved. Now it’s the other ninety-nine that I have to worry about.
Chapter 12
Annamaria
Eighteen years old
I turn eighteen in a house that still smells faintly of flowers. Not the fresh kind. Not the kind you buy because you feel like brightening a room. The lingering kind that clings to curtains and polished wood after too many celebrations, too many bouquets, too many people drinking champagne in rooms that only come alive when they are filled with joyous laughter.
The wedding season arrived and tore through this family like a storm. Marcello was first, Enzo was second, and Lucky was third. And not a month ago, Stella and Kirill held their wedding reception in this very mansion, as an apology to my parents for eloping last year.
Yes, my family has been blessed in ways too numerous to count. And I’ve watched my siblings claim their happily ever afters from the sidelines, making sure a proud smile was always stitched to my face. I refused to be the dark, gloomy cloud that ruined what should be the happiest day of their lives.
I’m overjoyed that each one of them found love. I’m beyond thrilled with how their lives have expanded so magnificently. They all deserve their happiness and more, as far as I’m concerned.
Still, two opposing feelings can be true at the same time. As much joy as it gives me to see my siblings—the people I love with all my heart—receive everything they’ve ever wanted, there is a part of me, hidden deep within my soul, that is also sad. While they step into the next stage of their life’s journey, I remain stuck in mine.
Just having those thoughts washes me with shame. How ungrateful I must be. How selfish and self-centered. I hate that I’m like this. That Ifeellike this. Something must be very wrong with me to think such things.
“Anna? Are you okay?” Stella asks beside me, her scrutinizing gaze trying to read every thought in my head.
Don’t, Stella. You won’t like what you see if you look too close. I don’t like what I see.
“Yes. I’m fine.” I fake a smile.
Those have been easier and easier to do lately. The fake smiles, false happiness, pretending that I’m fine.
“Are you sure? You haven’t even had a slice of the birthday cake,” she says, pointing at the three-tier cake Frankie baked, which took her the better part of her week.
I don’t deserve any of it. Not their kindness, not their concern. Maybe not even their love.
“I’ll have some in a minute.” I force another smile.
“Okay, but I’d get cracking if I were you. Have you noticed how our brother has gained a couple of pounds since he got hitched?” She nudges me teasingly as she eyes Lucky from across the room, where the cake stands. “I’m telling you, Lucky is dying to smash his face into it and eat the whole thing himself,greedy asshole.” Stella laughs, the sound almost soothing the hollow ache in my heart.
However, it’s short-lived. It always is.
“You know what? It is a little hot in here. I think I’ll go for a walk and cool down.”
“Are you sure?” she asks, her forehead creasing. “Want me to go with you? We haven’t had some alone time in a while.”
No, we haven’t.
“That’s okay. You stay here. I’m sure Kirill is probably looking for you anyway.” This time, the fabricated smile I offer actually hurts my cheeks.
