Page 47 of Vicious Intentions
“What about you and your family?” I ask. “Has the love bug hit anyone in New York?”
Raffaele laughs. “I doubt there’s a woman alive who could ever melt Matteo’s ice brick of a heart. As for Nico, I don’t know. He might be asexual. I’ve never seen him with a woman. Or a guy, if that’s his thing. Honestly, I can’t tell.”
“Maybe he’s just shy,” I offer.
“Can we please not talk about my brothers’ love lives?” he says with a grimace. “It’s creeping me out.”
“Fine. What do you want to talk about?”
That’s all the encouragement Raffaele needs to launch into a rundown of the latest shows he’s watched and the new music he’s been listening to. He then asks about which books or poetry I’ve read lately and how my piano recitals are going. He usually yawns when I get excited by such themes, but today he honestly seems invested in learning more.
“You know… New York has one of the best music conservatories in the world. You’ve probably heard of it.” He winks. “Have you ever thought about applying to Juilliard after high school? I’m sure you’d be a shoo-in.”
Have I thought about it? Of course I have. Anyone who wants to pursue performing arts would love to enrol in Juilliard. But there’s one problem. It’s in the heart of New York, and with the current rivalry between my family and his, New York is not a city that would welcome me with open arms. It would be too dangerous for me.
Raffaele suggesting it so casually only reminds me of how unaware he still is of the depths of Matteo’s hatred for my family. I, on the other hand, still sometimes dream about the way his brother looked at me. The coldness of his eyes. The way hethreatened to retaliate against my family and me with just one look.
While Raffaele might get away with visiting me for an hour, me going to Juilliard is a pipe dream that will never come to fruition. And even if it were possible, I’m not sure I’m talented enough to get in.
Instead of telling him any of that, I say something else. Something safer. Something that feels more realistic. More in my reach, at least.
“Actually,” I say, chewing on my bottom lip, “I was thinking that after I graduate, maybe I’d become a nun.”
“I beg your fucking pardon?” Raffaele’s eyes go wide in alarm. “You’re fucking with me, right?”
I shake my head. “I’m not,” I say firmly. “I like helping people. I think I’d be good at it.”
“I adore you, angel,” he says, exasperated, “but if I ever hear you say you’re thinking about becoming a nun again, I’m going to lose my shit.”
“Why?” I ask, a little bit hurt by his reaction. “Do you not think I’d be good at it?”
Raffaele’s scowl softens. “I’m sure you would be. You have the biggest heart I’ve ever seen. But that doesn’t mean you should give up living your life to disappear behind vows of silence and chastity forever.”
“I wouldn’t be giving up anything,” I say quietly. “There’s value in helping people.”
“Then start a fucking charity, Anna!” he blurts out, annoyed. “Don’t become a nun. Of all things.”
“You sound like my family.”
“Thank God for that,” he replies. “At least they’re thinking straight.”
I don’t like how everyone has an opinion about my desire to take such vows. I mean, why not? There’s no bloodshed inserving God. No cruelty. No violence. All I’ve ever wanted is a good life. A peaceful life. And maybe if I do this, then I’ll put out enough good into the world that my family’s souls will be spared come judgment day. Is that not a worthy sacrifice?
I’m about to argue with him again when an alarm cuts through the quiet.
“Shit. It’s time,” he says, picking up his phone.
I hadn’t even noticed he’d set the alarm, but I’m glad he did. Time flies when you’re happy, I guess, and I didn’t realize how late it’s gotten.
“I should go,” I say, rising to my feet.
Raffaele stands up too, but he doesn’t reach for his coat, still lying on the cold, wet ground.
“Not yet. I still haven’t given you your birthday present.”
“You got me a gift?” I ask, genuinely surprised and embarrassingly pleased.
“Of course I did,” he says with a grin. “What kind of best friend would I be if I didn’t get you something special for your sweet sixteen?”
