Page 49 of Fire
“I get that feeling, Evan, I really do.” Until Jack, all I had in my life was a mother who abandoned me and a string of loserboyfriends. I fought Jack long and hard before he convinced me I was worthy of his love, and then it took me a while to believe I could really keep it.”
I’d only seen Jack and Dream together that one night, but it was clear how much Jack adored his boyfriend. “He’s crazy about you.”
“He really is,” Dream says and I can almost see the lovesick smile on his face when he says it. “ But that’s what I’m trying to make you see. I’m a mouthy, skinny-ass street kid who didn’t even make it to high school. I don’t deserve the love of a man like Jack Navarro.”
“ Of course, you do,” I say, hurrying to defend Dream against himself. “Jack doesn’t need you to be anything, but who you are to deserve him.”
“Exactly,” Dream says catching me in a logic trap he clearly set me up to fall into.” Just like Luca doesn’t need you to be anybody other than the guy he’s spent the last month and a half with for you to deserve him.”
Is Dream right? Can love really be that simple?
“I should get off the phone,” I tell Dream “I think I need to talk to Luca.”
Chapter 22
Luca
I spend a long time out walking Yogi and Delilah. I need to get my tactical plan lined up to convince Evan to stay with me after we leave the cabin.
I should have been more prepared for that damned phone call, but I got so caught up with just loving Evan and spending each day here with him in a way that felt so natural and right.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I pull it out to see a text from a number I don’t recognize. I open it to find it’s from Dream. It’s a link to a real estate listing for a yoga studio close to Dolce’s, the restaurant he works at. Under the listing, there’s one short message. ‘Don’t fuck this up.’
I click on the listing, and as I look at its details, I realize this could be a big part of my plan to convince Evan we could have a life together.
If it wouldn’t make his boyfriend murderously angry, I could kiss Dream for this.
I make several phone calls and by the time I reach the cabin, I’m ready to fight for him to agree to give me the chance to make him fall in love with me.
I walk through the door to find Evan caught in mid-pace. He’s agitated. His hair is standing up and messy from his handsrunning through it and his eyes are a little wild as he mutters to himself. It reminds me of the state he was in when I first brought him to the cabin.
“Are you okay?” I ask carefully.
“Yeah,” he says, his fists clenching and unclenching. “I just need to talk to you.”
“That’s cool. I need to talk to you too.”
He turns to me with demanding, pleading eyes. “I need to go first.”
“Sure, go for it,” I tell him, my stomach dropping.Is this when he tells me he never wants to see me again?
He nods. and then he begins pacing again. He stops and opens his mouth to start speaking again and then shuts it.
I don’t like seeing him like this. I need to help him. Even if he’s struggling to tell me he wants nothing to do with me, I’ll help him get through it.
I grab him by the shoulders and make eye contact. “Breathe.”
He looks up at me and blinks a few times. Finally, he registers what I just told him, and does what I asked, and takes a deep, calming breath. “Good,” I say. “Now do it a few more times.”
As he runs through the breathing exercises, his shoulders relax and he seems to settle into his emotional center. “Better?”
He nods.
“Okay then.” I reluctantly release him, take a step back, and brace myself to hear what was so difficult for him to say to me.
With one more deep breath, he starts speaking. “You know,” he says, meeting my gaze. “With how my parents raised me, I never felt like I deserved their love. Even before the fire, I always felt that something about me was lacking. I got good grades. I followed their rules. Except for coming out, I tried so damned hard to be everything they wanted in a kid. I exhausted myself trying to deserve the love they gave my sisters so easily.
I want to stop him right there and take him in my arms, but I stay still and let him continue speaking.
