Page 24 of Mountain Pine
“He thought you cheated on me,” I end upsaying.
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
Austin won’t look me in the eyes as his cheeks turn red and I watch that color spread down his neck. “I was kissing someone else.”
I’m surprised at how calm I am about it. Actually, no I’m not. It’s not a problem that Austin moved on so fast. It’s a problem that I let our relationship go on for as long as it did. I’ve never been in love with him.
“Did you ever love me, Austin?”
Birds chirp and trill outside my kitchen window. The scent of his coffee burns my nose.
“No.” He winces at his confession. “I wanted to so badly because you’re great and all, but… no.”
Peace washes over me.
“Did you ever love me?” he asks.
“No. Not the way I thought I should.”
He nods like that makes sense. “We really dragged this out and wasted time, didn’t we?”
“I wouldn’t call it a waste, but yeah, we dragged this out for way too long. Sorry.”
“Me too.” He taps his thumb on the handle of his mug and stares at the dandelions. “You gonna tell him?”
“About our breakup?”
“That you love him.”
The ladybug flies off the rim of the container and lands in Austin’s hair.
“No,” I say, disappointing myself. “There’s no point. We’re just friends and that’s all we’ll ever be.”
Conner made that painfully clear the day he pushed me away when I kissed him and I promisedmyself to never be that vulnerable with my heart or put our friendship on the line ever again. Risking it once scarred me for life.
“He wants to be more than friends, Tay.”
I roll my eyes. “Just stop.” This is the one thing we fought most about, and I can’t believe it’s happening even after we break up. “We’re just friends. That’s all we’ve ever been.”
The ladybug flies off Austin’s head and lands on the table. It’s like she’s got nowhere to go and keeps trying to be everywhere at the same time. I cup her into my palm and set her free outside then sit across from my ex again.
“Listen to me.” Austin leans back and crosses his arms. “No man would do this to another guy if it wasn’t out of pure love or pure stupidity. And as much as I wish he was… Conner’s not stupid.”
“Agree to disagree,” I say, hoping the joke will make him laugh. It doesn’t. “He’s just over-protective of me. It’s always been that way. He thought you were cheating on me, Austin.”
He nods at the dandelions. “You know what he said to me last night between punches?”
I can only imagine.
“He said I’m pigheaded and selfish because I can’t give you the simplest gift of acceptance.”
Tears spring to my eyes. My throat closes up. “That’s not true. You always…”
“Itistrue, Taylor. Dandelions and moon pickles.” He stares at the container and his voice quivers. “I couldn’t just let you be yourself and love you as you are. It drives me nuts that I don’t understand you on the same level Conner does. The way all your friends do. I came to this town as acomplete outsider, and I’ll always be that way. I’m not made to fit in your world… or your heart.” Austin blows out a long sigh and rubs the back of his neck. “Conner doesn’t ask what you need dandelions for. He just knows you want them, so he gets them for you. I didn’t do that.” He shakes his head. “I told you no.”
“It’s understandable. I mean, how would you explain it to the other guys at the station that you’re getting your girlfriend weeds for tea.”
