Page 14 of Mountain Pine
I shouldn’t have spent the night at Taylor’s. It’s going to mess up her relationship with Austin. And as much as I hate that they’re together, I don’t want to be the reason they break up.
My mind races with a million thoughts. Is she going to tell him I crashed there? Will he be an asshole to her about it? Should I bust his jaw if he is?
I mean, that last is probably a no-brainer. He’s in law enforcement. The last thing I should do is assault him for being mad that a guy spent the night at his girlfriend’s house.
But I’m not just a guy. I’m her best friend. And even though I haven’t slept over once since they’ve been dating… nothing happened.
I showered, ate, and fell asleep.
He’s never going to believe that, I think to myself while loading pear trees onto the trailer. Austin hates me and this is the first time it doesn’t feel great.
I asked Taylor last night if she’s happy, and she said yes. That girl is a terrible liar, which means she meant it last night. I could hear the contentment in her voice. Regardless of if Taylor gets in arguments with Austin or not… she’shappy.
I need to give her up. Cut the Taylor strings tied around my heart and move on.
Because living like this is killing me.
I work my ass off to keep myself distracted. I make thirst traps online for attention and extra money. I sabotage all my relationships on purpose. I’m barely home. I don’t see my friends as much as I want because we’re all adults now and adulting sucks up all our free time. I’m lonely, exhausted, and miserable.
Fuck me for thinking a miracle would eventually happen between me and Taylor.
I should never have pushed her away that day when she did that kissing trend. I should have manned up and kissed the hell out of her because it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.
I lost my chance.
I lost her.
Now she has Austin and they’re going to probably get married and have lots of babies. He’ll eat her moon pickles. He’ll be the lucky bastard who gets to fall asleep with her every night and watch the sunrise with her every morning before he kisses her goodbye and goes to work as a game warden and saves campers from being eaten by bears.
She’ll take my spare clothes out of her bottom drawer and give them back to me or throw them in a donation pile. She’ll wake up one day and see that I’m just a loser from her past. The Peter Pan to her Wendy.
And she’ll grow up.
Meanwhile, I’ll stay in my never-ending cycle of wake up, work, eat, sleep, and repeat. I’ll forever be a dirt man. Sweaty and tired and covered in sap and mud because I can’t find another job I like.
And Idolike my job. Actually, I love it.
I’m not built for an office. I need fresh air.Something familiar yet different every day. I wanted to be a paleontologist when I was a kid. But college was never in the cards for me. My grades weren’t good enough for scholarships, and my parents weren’t supportive. Could I have just gone into debt up to my eyeballs? Sure. But I’ve got a thing about finances and refuse to let myself go into debt for any reason. Besides, say I had gone off and got my degrees, I’d be digging dino bones in another part of the world, not here at Bear Creek.
Not here with Taylor.
Jesus… I’ve… I’ve let my life go for the hopeful delusion that what? She and I would magically be together one day?
Wow. I’m the biggest dumbass on the planet.
After loading the trailer, I double check the hitch and lights, then head out to pick up the new kid, Dex, because he doesn’t have a car yet.
“Feeling better today?” I ask, cocking my brow.
He grumbles and hops into the truck. “Hangovers are a bitch.”
I hand him a water bottle and a packet of electrolytes because he still looks like shit and I can’t have him crapping out on me mid-day.
So, anyway, as I was saying… Even if Austin doesn’t meet my standards for Taylor, he meetsherstandards and that’s what matters most. Austin’s got a great job, he’s nice—when he’s not being a douche—and yeah, it might take him time to get used to her witchy shit, but he’ll get with the program eventually because he loves her.
Wait. Hedoeslove her, right?
Not as much as me. Hell, no one is going to love her as much as me, but he must love her enough toalways buy her flowers and gifts. He takes her to nice dinners and the movies, too.
