Page 88 of Mountain Pine
The silence that follows is deafening.
Shit, I’ve screwed up. I shouldn’t have yelled like that. Dumping my trauma on her lap isn’t fair. When will I learn to keep my mouth shut?
This hurts.
Taylor stares and stares and stares at me. It’s awful. I can’t stand it. But I can’t look away either. This is the real thing. The ugly rawness of my heart filled with insecurities and resentment that I’ve covered up with laughter and bad jokes and daredevil moves and fist fights my whole life.
It’s all exposed for her to see.
“Conner…”
She’s going to break up with me.
“You don’t have to work for my dad anymore if that’s not what you want.”
My ears are ringing.
“You’re not beholden toanyone.”
Mayday. Mayday. My eyes are leaking.
Rolling my shoulders back, I drop the last bomb in my arsenal. “What if I walk away and want to start my own landscaping business?”
My brain runs in panicked circles, and all my wires are on fire and sparks are flying and it’s chaos in my head. I just blew everything up. I’ve ruined us before we even had a chance.
Put me in the wood chipper, please. End my misery.
Taylor’s expression is unreadable, which terrifies me most. I don’t think that’s happened since the night of the kiss-your-best-friend-trend.
“Say something,” I beg.
She holds my face and kisses me. “I think that’s an amazing idea.”
Chapter 25
Taylor
When I left this morning, Conner was still sleeping. He’ll be annoyed that I didn’t wake him but oh well. He’s exhausted—mentally, physically, and emotionally. Sleep will do him good, and he knows where to find me when he’s ready.
A young woman walks by my canopy. “Good morning!”
“Good morning, how are you?” I’m still pouring bubbles into my machine while Grace sets out little samples of herbal teas. She’s helping me today, which is awesome. Not that I need the help, but I do need the company. I feel a little wonky. Like something is about to happen. Will it be good or bad or both? I’m too jumbled up to tell.
Conner’s outburst yesterday gave me a lot to think about. I want to wrap him up and hold him forever. His need to provide and protect isn’t just a desire, it’s his survival mode from being used and abused when he was young. His worth is directly tied to his output. It wasn’t fair back then, and it isn’t true anymore. Man, I could kill his parents for what they’ve done to him. If I knew where they lived, I’d pay them a visit and give them a piece of my mind.
I don’t want his history to negatively impact ourfuture and I’m going to do all I can to help him see that we’ll be fine. Our kids will have a happy, safe home and plenty to eat. I can even grow all our fruits and vegetables in my greenhouse. No child of ours will ever be scared or starved like Conner was growing up.
Plucking an amethyst out of a bowl, I rub it with my thumb.Nope. Dropping it back in with the others, I don’t think crystals will solve this problem of mine. Especially since I don’t even know if it is a problem.
“You okay?”
Shooting Grace a smile, I nod. “Just tired.”
“I bet.” She waggles her eyebrows. “You’re probably getting zero sleep now that Conner’s your boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend?” he repeats from behind me.
I turn around and the instant I see him approach with a caddie of coffees and his baseball hat on backwards, a little of the chaos vibrating in me subsides. “Hey. I was hoping you would sleep in. What are you doing here this early?”
