Page 122 of The Crown's Awakening
“He tried to force their hand. Tried to make them choose Sevrin. Even Teorin. Anyone but me. But they would not.”
“And so he sent you to war,” I say quietly.
He nods once. “Fourteen. Unprepared. It was meant to end me.”
My chest tightens as I picture it, the cold, the isolation, the expectation of death.
“The creatures then were different,” he says. “Dangerous, but vulnerable to fire. I was injured more times than I can count. Left alone in the cold more than once.”
His hand tightens slightly where it rests against me.
“And then one of them came in the bloody aftermath,” he says. “A member of the council. I was bleeding in the snow, and there were more creatures coming. I thought I was dying. That I was imagining it.”
I do not interrupt.
“He told me that when I needed them, they would come. That I had been chosen, regardless of what my father did. And then he said, until I was ready… here is a gift.”
I exhale slowly.
“Since then,” Colsar continues, “I have been able to breathe fire in my siakar form. It is what kept me alive.”
“And you never told me,” I say tersely.
“I do not use it often,” he replies. “I do not know what it might trigger. Whether using it will call them. Whether it means something I cannot take back.”
His eyes return to mine.
“You think they would come for you and demand your leadership,” I say.
“I used to worry about that, yes," he answers quietly.
“And now?”
He is silent for a moment. “Now,” he says, “if calling them means protecting you, protecting our children, ending what is coming… then I will become whatever they need me to be.”
We are both quiet after that.
“We should talk about Teorin,” I say.
His jaw tightens slightly. “You already told me enough,” he says. “It matches what has always been known. He is selfish, conniving, and cruel."
“What does he want?” I press. “Were you ever close?”
“No,” he says. “I was rarely at the palace. When I was, he was not. He was never welcome there.”
His expression shifts slightly, something more thoughtful now.
“My understanding is that my father never ended things with his mother,” he continues. “I remember my own mother accusing him of going to Thrykis to play house.”
“And you think there was more to it?"
“I think my father did nothing without purpose,” Colsar says. “And he was not sentimental enough to devote himself to something without gain.”
“And Teorin?”
“I do not know him well enough to predict him,” he admits. “But I know this.”
His voice lowers. “He cannot bond with you.”
