Page 110 of The Crown's Awakening
The door opens. When I turn, the breath leaves me. Colsar fills the doorway, and I almost do not recognize him.
He looks whole. The wounds are gone. His skin is flushed, sweat still clinging to him, his hair damp and pushed back from his face. Something in him feels stronger. Alive.
“How?” I ask, the word softer than I intend.
He smiles faintly. “The siakar form helps me heal. Not completely. But enough. That, and the run.”
I watch him as he moves past me, as though I need to confirm he is real. He disappears briefly into the bathing space. Water sounds, low and steady, steam beginning to rise, curling intothe air. I turn back to the mirror, forcing my focus, drawing the brush through my hair again, slower this time.
This is what I wanted. Him here. Alive. Strong. So why does something in me feel unsteady? The water stills. A moment later, he steps back into the room. A towel hangs low at his waist, his skin still damp, heat rising from him in a way that fills the space between us before he even moves.
I stand. I do not take more than a step before he is there. The movement is too fast to follow. My back meets the wall, the breath catching in my chest as his body presses close, one arm braced beside my head, the other settling at my waist. The heat of him is immediate, overwhelming.
His mouth brushes my ear. “Tell me you missed me,” he murmurs, voice low, roughened by something deeper than exhaustion. “The way I missed you.”
Desire coils low in my stomach. And then?—
It fractures. The wall is still there, but the voice is not his. The hands are not his. The press of him is not Colsar. I duck under his arm before I can think, the movement sharp, sudden. I move quickly, crossing the room, pushing into the small closet before the panic can settle into something worse.
The door shuts behind me. I drop to the floor, pulling my knees in as much as my body allows, arms wrapping around them, holding myself together as my hands begin to shake.
Breathe.
The air does not come. I am not there, I remind myself. He is not him.
I am not?—
The door opens, light spilling in. Colsar stands there for a moment, taking me in. Then he lowers himself beside me, slow, careful.
“What happened, Asha Bear?” he asks quietly.
I look away. “It does not matter,” I say, though my voice betrays me. “I am sorry. I should not have pulled away from you.”
Silence lingers.
Then I close my eyes. I cannot keep it. “I need to tell you something,” I say, quieter now. “Even if you… see me differently after.”
I force the words forward. “I have a cousin. Not by blood.”
My throat tightens. “His name is Hurstinal.”
I draw in a breath. “I woke one morning in my nightgown.”
Colsar goes still beside me. “He was already there.”
The memory presses in, heavy and suffocating.“He pinned me against the wall. Held a knife to my stomach.” My hand drifts instinctively to it. “He told me you had abandoned me.”
My breath falters, but I continue. “He said he was going to take me. In a way that would hurt. In a way that would make you not want me anymore.”
Silence.
“He used his power,” I say, quieter now. “Made it hard to move. Hard to think.”
My fingers tighten against my arms.
“I couldn’t fight him the way I should have.”
“He grabbed me. Touched my breast. Started pulling at my nightgown.”
