Page 81 of Orc'd At A Wedding
"So what do we do about the gala?"
I consider the tactical options.
"We have three potential courses of action," I say. "One, we do not attend and establish a clear boundary regarding your family's manipulative behavior. Two, we attend and I provide highly visible protective support while making it clear you are no longer subject to their criticism. Three, we attend and I systematically dismantle their toxic social dynamics using carefully deployed Orcish bluntness."
Bliss blinks.
"I'm sorry, option three is what?"
"Your family operates on passive-aggressive social warfare and performative superiority. They are unprepared for direct confrontation. I can neutralize their attacks efficiently."
She stares at me for a long moment, her expression shifting from cautious hope to something far more dangerous. Far more delighted.
Then she starts grinning, slow and wicked and utterly beautiful.
"Option three," she says decisively, her voice gaining strength with every syllable. "Definitely option three. I want to watch you verbally annihilate my Aunt Susan's comments about my career choices. I want you to stare down my cousin Camden when he starts his usual humble-bragging routine. And Idesperately, desperately want to see my mother's face when you refuse to pretend her passive-aggressive nonsense is acceptable social behavior."
I nod, my strategic mind already shifting into full operational mode, cataloging weaknesses in her family's social defenses and formulating precise countermeasures.
"I will need to update the binder with revised family engagement protocols," I say seriously. "Section Eight will require significant expansion to include tactical verbal responses to common attacks. I should also add a subsection on appropriate Orcish directness levels for various family members."
"Of course you will," she says, and her voice is filled with so much fond exasperation that body goes dangerously warm.
Her phone buzzes against the coffee table, an aggressive vibration that breaks the moment.
She reaches for it, her expression immediately tensing.
A text from her mother.
You will attend the gala, Bliss. This is non-negotiable. We need to discuss your future and your... choices.
Bliss shows me the screen.
I take the phone and type a response.
We will attend. Olog will be wearing his formal clan armor. Please ensure adequate structural support for your ice sculpture. —O.G.
I hit send.
Bliss reads the message and bursts out laughing.
"You're going to give my mother a heart attack."
"Unlikely. Her cardiovascular health is monitored in section twelve of the binder. But I am prepared to provide emergency medical intervention if necessary."
She kisses me again, slower this time, her hands sliding into my hair.
"I can't wait to marry you," she whispers.
My chest goes tight.
"The marriage blade has already been accepted," I rumble. "By Orcish custom, we are already bound."
"Then I guess we need to make it official for the humans too."
I feel my strategic mind immediately engage.
"I will begin researching optimal wedding venues immediately. There are approximately forty-seven location options within a three-hour radius that meet our combined cultural requirements. I will need to assess structural capacity, catering flexibility, and whether they permit ceremonial weaponry."
