Page 44 of Night Hawk
Happened? Right.Something had to have happened or she would’ve been in the family.“I can’t even imagine. The records say she’s still alive, but maybe she died and her death certificate got mixed up or something.”
“Could be.” Clay placed his other hand over hers. “We should do an internet search. See what we can find out about her.”
“Lisa Long is probably a very common name.”
“Erik has programs designed to find missing people. With your permission I’ll ask him to start on it right away.”
“Sure. Yes. Of course.” Was she about to find a long-lost sister? A hint of excitement rose up and mixed with her unease.
Clay started to rise, but dropped back down. “There’s something else. Now’s the worst time ever to ask about this, but I have to.”
She’d thought her stomach was already in the tightest knot it could form, but his tone made it clench even more. She took a breath and let it out slowly. “Go ahead.”
“Erik was doing some research on the way here. He found out in the early nineties that your dad killed a guy in a shootout on an op gone wrong. Guy’s name was Andrew Martin. He’s your grandmother’s brother.”
She gasped and pulled back. She couldn’t get out a single question, but her mind was brimming with them to the point that it felt like it might explode.
“I take it you hadn’t heard that either,” Clay said.
She shook her head, starting slowly then letting it frantically swing to try to push all the horrible thoughts out of her brain.
Clay took her hands and held them tightly. “I’m sorry this is so upsetting for you.”
“Upsetting?” She ground out the word through gritted teeth. “Did I even know my parents? And why all the family secrets? Why, oh, why didn’t they tell me about Lisa? And where is she?” The questions streamed out now, and she couldn’t stop them.
“Shh,” Clay said. “Take a deep breath.”
He locked gazes with her and drew in a long breath of air then let it out. He repeated it. Over and over. She joined him and finally caught his rhythm. Slowly feeling her mind calm. Her heart rate slowed. But what was she supposed to do now? “It feels like my whole life is a lie.”
“No,” he said firmly. “No matter what your parents did or didn’t tell you, you’re this strong, amazing woman. Nothing has changed that. And I’ll be right here to help you get through this.” He squeezed her hands.
She’d forgotten he was even holding them.
“Families keep secrets all the time,” he continued. “Like my mom and dad not telling Sierra about her biological dad.”
It helped to be reminded of his parents. They seemed like good people, but they’d withheld information from their children for years. So she nodded but she didn’t put any force behind it as a single nod was all she could manage.
His eyes brightened. “Think of this as any other problem in your life. How would you go about solving it?”
Okay, yeah.She could distance herself. Shove away all the pain and hurt and step back to look at it logically. Like she’d been doing since her dad was killed. She hadn’t even properly grieved him. At least she hadn’t reached the stage of acceptance. She’d accepted the fact that he’d died, but not that he’d died for no reason. Not that his killer hadn’t yet been brought to justice.
“I’d learn as much as I could about the subject and make a game plan,” she said, answering Clay’s question and trying to move those painful elements to the back of her brain.
“So we’ll do exactly that, first by asking Erik to look for Lisa. He’s trained for this sort of thing. Then we’ll get everyone together and review the information we have and where we go from here.”
He let go of her hands and stood but remained looking at her.
“Thank you.” She came to her feet and took both of his hands, wishing she had a right to hold them and not feel guilty. But learning about her past made the likelihood of getting romantically involved with him even less likely.
She couldn’t be anyone’s girlfriend, wife, mother, or any of the logical stages to follow in her life, not until she found her dad’s killer and figured out what had happened to her sister.
11
Clay was thankful for his family. At least most of the time. But after Toni’s shocks, he appreciated his brothers seated on the large sectional in the living room even more. As he was thankful for Toni. He didn’t know if it was seeing her vulnerability or just admitting to himself that he cared for her, but he needed to make sure she didn’t walk away when this investigation was over.
She sat in his mother’s favorite chair, a swivel rocker his mom had bought to curl up in and read whatever bestselling novel she could get her hands on at the library. Until now, this space had only held fond memories for Clay, but Toni’s pain was his pain, and he could hardly look at her without marching across the room to sweep her into his arms.
And hold her. Just hold her until her pain receded.
