Page 120 of Fatal Mistake
His face glowed. She’d never seen such joy from him, and this moment, the glorious moment free from fear and worry, was filled with a new beginning for them.
* * *
Cal needed to talk to Tara alone, but she’d been waylaid in the office by Max to take her statement. Cal watched through the window as she recounted the events, her shoulders back, her amazing strength displayed. He loved her and wanted to be with her, that was clear, but could he take the next step?
Max shook Tara’s hand, then came to the door. He clapped Cal on the back. “Good work on bringing Keeler in.”
“It was a team effort,” Cal replied, his mind more on Tara than Keeler.
“You can take her home now,” Max said.
Cal wasted no time, but entered the office. When Tara looked up at him, he suddenly felt as if he were back in junior high about to ask a girl on a date. Her expression reflected the same apprehension.
“Max says you can leave now,” he said, sticking to business where he felt secure. “I’ll drive you home.”
“Would you mind if we went to see June first?” She stood. “I have to get my eyes on her to believe she’s okay.”
“I’d like to see her, too.” Cal stepped back so Tara could exit. She stopped to look at the commotion in the warehouse, and he took her hand to move her forward, as it would do her no good to watch the forensic team and agents who’d descended on the place.
Outside, the air somehow felt fresher and cooler. As they walked toward his car, he couldn’t seem to get enough of touching Tara to prove all danger had passed. He tried to come up with the right words to express his thoughts, but he wasn’t used to talking about his feelings. And now, when it was so vitally important, he didn’t want to mess it up.
He tightened his hold on her hand. “I…we…”
Tara stopped by his car and peered at him. “What is it?”
“I’ve skirted your questions about my personal life,” he said. “It’s not because I didn’t want you to know about me. I just don’t like to talk about my past.”
She lifted his hand and kissed the palm. “None of that matters anymore. Not after what we’ve been through. We can be thankful to be alive and happy to be together.”
“No, I want to tell you.”
“If it’s because I pushed you before, that was only because I thought you were a lot like Nolan.”
“Your ex? You think I’m like him?” he asked, now fearing he was her rebound guy.
“Like Nolan, no.” She shook her head so hard her hair swished over her shoulders. “At first, I thought you were. You see, he was a great guy until we got engaged. But once he put a ring on my finger I became like property to him, and he started making decisions for me. Telling me who I could see. What I could do. When I could do it.”
Cal doubted she could have said anything that would have surprised him as much as her comparing him to this man. “And you thought I was like that?”
“You are—were.” She held up a hand. “No, wait, I’m making a mess of this. You were very controlling when you came to Oregon.”
He thought about their first interactions and didn’t much like what he saw. “You’re right. I could have handled it better. Not that it’s an excuse, but that was work and lives were at stake. I’d never do the same thing in my personal life. At least not on purpose.”
“I know that now, but I had to get to know you to see that.” She squeezed his hand. “At the same time, I saw you were bothered by something, and you wouldn’t open up about it. Nolan became secretive, too, and when you didn’t talk to me, I thought you were purposely hiding something.”
He opened his mouth to explain, but she quickly pressed her finger to his lips, sending a jolt of electricity through his body, and he had to force himself to focus on the topic.
“Again, I realize that it was my problem, not yours. You’re not being secretive. You have something on your mind that you’ll talk about when you’re ready.”
“I’m ready now. I’m not sure I have it all figured out, though.” He explained Willy’s failed rescue, trying to stay factual and not let emotions sidetrack him. “If only I could change what happened.”
“I’m so sorry.” She took his other hand and twined her fingers with his.
“Since Willy died, I’ve been trying to make up for it. I thought God was letting the bad guys win, so if I did something about it, Willy wouldn’t have died in vain, and I’d feel less guilty. But each time a woman died at Keeler’s hands, the guilt ate away at me more. So I tried to control every little thing around me.”
“And now?”
“That’s the tricky part, I guess.” He took a deep breath. “I realize I have no control over life and death. I had to come to the end of what I could do before accepting God’s way is right and to know guilt is a useless emotion. I wish I could say I’m back on solid footing and trusting Him to keep the people I love safe, but I’m not. That’s going to take some time.”
