Page 109 of Best Kind of Trouble
He swears under his breath. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything. I want to know you.”
His smile is wry and full of self-deprecation. “Most people who do are sorry for it.”
“You want them to be. You push them away on purpose so they can’t get close.”
“Let’s not get hasty,” he replies with dark amusement. “I don’t like most people. I don’t let them get close because I don’twantthem close.”
“But you liked Julia,” I say, my words arrowing into my own heart.
He shrugs. “Sure. For a while.”
He’s quiet for a long moment, and I’m sure he’s done sharing. I’m trying to resign myself to that and respect his boundaries when he surprises me by continuing.
“We were together for two years, but she fucked my boss at the holiday party I refused to go to, and everyone found out. I think she wanted me to challenge Steve to a fight or some shit, but I didn’t. I quit, obviously, but I figured there was no point fighting for her. Why fight for someone who doesn’t want you? If she wanted to be with him, let her be with him. Maybe she’d finally be happy. But Steve had a coke habit, and a few weeks after she got with him, she overdosed on his drugs. She almost died.”
“That’s when you attacked him?”
He hangs his head. “I should regret that, but I don’t. He didn’t take care of her. But neither did I. It was my fault.”
“That’s a stretch. Why would you think it wasyourfault?”
He gives a humorless laugh, and his gaze seems haunted when it meets mine again. “Because she told me so when I visited her in the hospital. She was in tears. She said she’d only slept with him because I hadn’t paid her any attention in months. After it happened, she’d prayed I’d step up and tell Steve to go fuck himself, but I didn’t do anything. She was trying to overdose, Briar. Because of me. She loved me, and I destroyed her.”
My heart is fracturing inside of my chest. I’m tempted to ask whether Hannah knows about all of this, but I know better. Hewouldn’t have told her this part. This is something he’s carried alone, and what a heavy load to carry.
The weight of his memories must have been slowly breaking him.
I know what that’s like.
My hair is down to my waist now, but I still play with it constantly to reassure myself it’s there. That I won’t reach back and feel the shorn spots my mind still fears exist.
I nuzzle closer to him, running my hands over his face, his hair. Giving him the soft benediction he needs. My heart is so full of him. “She was struggling with her mental health, Liam. That’s not your fault. You didn’t do that to her. You can’t protect people from their own brains.”
“I should have seen it. I should have been there for her, but I didn’t even notice she was struggling. Briar, I get so wrapped up in what I’m doing, I don’t notice whether I’ve eaten. A lot of times, I don’t remember I haven’t called someone back until it’s been months. I can’t be responsible for someone else’s happiness. I can’t even…” He swears, pulling away. “I can’t even casually sleep with someone without messing everything up. You know all about Margaret, obviously.”
“She wanted more than you were willing to give.”
“What doyouwant?” he asks, staring at me intently.
The question engulfs me, and all I can do is shake my head, feeling the inadequacy of the gesture. WhatdoI want?
No one has really ever asked me before.
I want the brewery.
I want my friends.
I want to believe in happy endings, and winning scratch-off tickets, and happily ever after.
I wantLiam, but I’m terrified it would be another mistake for both of us—one that might break us.
Hannah doesn’t want us together.
The brewing world is cautious of him.
There’s so much on the line…and neither of us has a history of healthy relationships.
