Page 93 of Hell on Earth
“I don’t know how to be Bonnie,” I admitted and chanced a glance at him when I had my emotions under control again. “She was so happy, soinnocent.”
“Youneverstopped being her,” he said and squeezed my hand. “You had to be a tougher version of her tosurvive.”
“Iguess.”
My eyes focused on a field mouse hopping through the leaves, and I smiled. I never would have seen the small, gray creature with his twitching nose last week. Like I had fourteen years ago, I was changing again, becoming someone else once more, but I welcomed these changes. I’d askedforthem.
“She is me, and I am her,” Iwhispered.
I pondered those words as my fingers played with the band of the mood ring. Bonnie was a child, who’d been secure in her knowledge nothing bad could ever happen to her. Wren was a woman who knew something bad could be lurking around every corner. One had been naïve, the other callous, but they had bothbeenme.
Something shifted and clicked into place inside me as I focused on that. I’d been thinking of my life as the past belonged to Bonnie, the present to Wren, and the future to no one. Now I had the possibility of an immortal future with Corson. I’d believed that remembering the past only brought sadness, but now I was smiling at this ring and the memory of a friend who had once been my most trustedcompanion.
Trying to forget Kristi and my parents was a disservice to them all. They deserved to be remembered and loved, not buried beneath misery and anger. For the first time, I loved Bonnie and all hermemories,but…
“I don’t plan to try to forget the past anymore, but I’ve been Wren for more years than Bonnie. That’s who Iamnow.”
“Good, I don’t want to call you by the wrong name in bed should you decide to change it. I prefer my nuts attached tomybody.”
A burst of loud laughter escaped me, shaking my stomach, and shocking me more than the ouro had. Corson’s eyes widened, and I slapped my hands over my mouth to muffle thesound.
“Don’t,” he said and tugged at my hands. “I’ve been trying to get you to laugh, toreallylaugh and not just chuckle, since I met you.” He succeeded in pulling my hands away from my mouth. “Your laugh is beautiful, don’thideit.”
“It’s not that,” I whispered, unable to stop tears from filling my eyes. “I have my mom’s laugh. I… I didn’t realize it. I must have had it as a child too, and I’d forgotten over the years, or maybe it just came as I got older, but I’d stopped laughing by then. It’s her laugh though, and I always loved herlaugh.”
Corson used his thumbs to wipe away the two tears that slid free to track down my cheeks. “Then I will make you use it moreoften.”
“Yes,youwill.”
I leaned against his side and kissed his cheek. He leaned over to examine the contents of the box. I reached in to pull another piece of jewelry out by its hook. The dangling earring unfolded from between my thumb and index finger to reveal the silver bird twirling at the end of it. Corson wrapped his hand around it to stop it from spinning, and I released ittohim.
“It seems that should belong to you,”Isaid.
“My earring-wearing daysareover.”
“Even if I give it to you and want you to wear it?” I hadn’t liked seeing him in the earrings of others, but my mischievous adhene neededthemback.
“I would proudly wear your earring every day for the rest of my life,” hestated.
“That bird could be a wren, and I’m giving ittoyou.”
He gazed at me before lifting it and pushing the hook through the tip of his right ear. I winced for him, but he didn’t react. When he gave his head a small shake, he made the bird fly back andforth.
“Onlyminethough,” I said, unable to keep the anger from my voice as a fresh wave of jealousyhitme.
“It will never beanother’s.”
I inhaled through my teeth, but it was difficult getting air into my lungs through the growing constriction in my chest. I knew how much he loved me, knew he would do anything in the world for me, yet jealousy tore at my insides, and I couldn’t do anything tostopit.
“Easy,” he said as he wrapped his handaroundmine.
He didn’t need to look at the ring to know my emotions had taken an explosive swing. It had been happening more often over the past week. Maybe I really would have to leave everyone and go somewhere else until I could be sure I wouldn’t hurtsomeone.
“Breathe,” Corsoncoaxed.
I inhaled a tremulous breath and bowed my head as some of my hostilityeased.
“Only yours,” he whispered as he smoothed a strand of hair back from my forehead before cuppingmyneck.
