Page 201 of Because I Killed Him
“Yeah. You know her?”
I think about the few times Miss Linwood and I met, lingering on the day she told me she was on the expulsion list, and I gave her civil credits. The transfer had seemed to help, and every time I saw her afterward, she looked happy, as if the problem had been resolved.
“What were they arrested for?”
“Being Vulgars.”
Oh, shit.
“Apparently, Linwood was skipping her Steriline shots,” Charlotte continues. “She’s pregnant.”
The heat drains from my face so fast I shiver. If Miss Linwood and Mr. Mendoza are proven to be Vulgars, the punishment won’t stop at arrest. I glance at the clock and see it’s a few minutes to seven.
“Are they being executed today?” I ask, fighting to keep my voice steady.
“The Tattler says they are.” Charlotte reads a second longer, then deactivates her Bond. Anger flickers across her face. “What the hell were they thinking? How could they do that to each other?”
I blink at her, caught off guard. “What do you mean? They’re in love.”
“Love?” Charlotte snorts. “Getting each other killed is a lot of things, but it isn’t love.”
I sit upright, startled by how deeply her words cut. I don’t know whether I’m defending Miss Linwood or myself anymore. “So, you’re okay with what’s happening to them?”
“What? No. Of course not.” Charlotte’s eyebrows slant into a frown, as if surprised by the hostility in my voice. “But this is how it works. Me hating the law doesn’t change the fact that you and I can’t mix with non-Greens. Linwood’s baby was dead the moment she skipped those shots—execution or not. I’m not saying it’s right or fair. I’m saying that unless the law changes and they stop engineering us to be incompatible, being with someone outside your blood color is wrong.”
“Wrong? Just because you’re executed doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong,” I say. “Maybe Miss Linwood thought the sacrifice was worth it.”
Charlotte sighs, then cuts a grim look at the clock as it strikes seven. “Well, I hope it was. Because there’s no getting out now.”
I avoid looking at the clock, as if doing so could keep my mind from filling in the rest. I picture Miss Linwood’s fear for herself, her Purple lover, and, most of all, her child, who never stood a chance in a world like ours. In the string of images, the line between Edmund’s world and mine grows clearer than it ever was. He’s a Blue. I’m not. Feelings like ours aren’t just unlikely; they’re forbidden. We can’t marry. We can’t have children. And if we ever tried and were caught, his status as a high-citizen would no longer matter. He’d be executed right alongside me.
When the Pinkie finishes Charlotte’s hair, she fluffs her curls and takes a slow, steadying breath, as if heading into battle.
“Are you going somewhere?” I ask.
“Yeah. To meet Jack. If this thing’s about to blow, I need to know how far you and I need to stand to avoid the blast radius. With Edmund, you never know.”
I manage a faint, trembling smile. “Thanks, Char.”
She glances back at me, her voice softening. “Hold on, Lore. It’s not over yet.”
Then she’s out the door, the click of her heels echoing down the hall. I know she’s doing this for me, gathering intel and staying ahead of the chaos, but I still wish she hadn’t left. The pain only deepens when I’m alone. I lie back on my bed and try to sleep, but all I can think about is Miss Linwood and how her execution mirrors the future that might’ve been mine.
At last, I push myself upright and open the alert panel on my Bond to find a new text from Dad:“I’m so sorry, honey. I know Edmund was your friend. Call me if you want to talk. I’ll be here.”
For the first time in my life, I don’t want to call Dad. Not because he wouldn’t listen, but because he wouldn’t understand. I don’t need politics or plans right now. I need a girl, one who understands what it’s like to grieve someone who’s still alive.
I wish Hillaire and Vivian hadn’t shut me out. They’re still refusing to talk to me. Maybe if I told them the truth about Charles, they’d forgive me. But I don’t want forgiveness to happen through a guilt trip. I want them to come back because they miss me.
Still, I’m tempted. More than anything, I need my sisters right now.
Or I need… someone.
Someone I love. Someone who loves me.
And then, as if she heard me, heard my heart crying out from across the Civilized World—
Mom calls.
